Love means accepting a person as they are and not expecting them to change for you. Love is what I feel for you. Love is why I got so angry with you today, because you put yourself in possible danger.”
“I don’t think Grant would go in a sex store,” she said with a laugh, and then she sniffled.
“I love you, Jessica, and that’s not going to change.” He put on his blinker and turned onto Wilson, the street that led to her house. “We just have to teach you how to let go of the feelings you have bottled up inside you.”
“Are you sure you’re not a therapist?” she asked.
He pulled into her driveway and parked behind her SUV. “Maybe, but my treatments are different than most doctors.” He wiggled his eyebrows and she giggled
“I’m sorry I’m crying.”
“What did I say? I won’t give you the mush, but never say you’re sorry for what you’re feeling. That devalues your emotions. It’s always okay to cry if you need to.”
“You’re so smart,” she said.
“Well, now that you mention it, yeah, I am.”
“And so sure of yourself.”
“Yeah, that too.” He leaned over and cupped the back of her head, pulling her close for a kiss. It wasn’t one that would lead to sex. It was soft, and sweet, and it made Jessica feel gooey inside.
When it broke she said, “I guess I’m going to be punished for tonight.”
“Oh yeah,” Hawk said. “But not tonight. We’re going to go in the house, cuddle and then go to bed. No sex. No punishment. Just us together.”
“Can I at least write in my journal?”
“That’s why I gave it to you.”
They gathered up the trash and went into the house. Once in the kitchen, Jessica realized she hadn’t eaten any of the food Hawk had bought. She opened a sack and peered inside. “You ate it all.”
He shrugged, but he didn’t seem too upset about it. She set about making a grilled cheese sandwich for herself while he went into the living room. When he called out that it smelled good she made a few for him, too. She grabbed a bag of chips from the cabinet and went into the living room where she set the plate of sandwiches and the bag on the table.
“Safer there than on my leg,” he said as he took a sandwich. “You should have used a paper plate.”
“Jerk,” she said, but she laughed.
He didn’t answer, and she asked, “You took me to the Spellman house the other night because you want to buy it, right? For us to live there?”
“And raise a family,” he said around a bite of sandwich. “You’re going to love it when it’s been redone. Trust me.”
“I do,” she said. She trusted him with her body. Now if she could trust him with her emotions, things would be perfect.
Chapter 9
The next day, Jessica felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It was Sunday, and she’d thought they would spend the day together, but Hawk had been called out to help work the scene of an accident. She hoped he would be back during the afternoon so they could look through the toys she’d bought last night, but she also knew there was no telling when he would return. If the wreck was bad enough for the DPS to call for local LEOs, then it might take a while.
She made cinnamon rolls, and then decided to make buffalo wings for dinner. She had a bunch in the freezer, and she knew Hawk would eat at least two dozen, so she pulled out three, just to be safe. At first it had been strange to her to keep that much food in the freezer. She and Grant had eaten at his mother’s house most of the time, and even then he didn’t eat that much. Cooking for Hawk was an adventure, that was for sure.
Once she’d planned the menu she sat down on the sofa with her journal. She’d written for more than an hour last night, and she took this chance to read over her words. Hawk had been so good to her, talking about how she could learn to love, and how he loved her just like she was. But her words were so different. She wrote about how her mother told her never to trust a man, that the only person she could trust was herself.
But then she read her last words from last night. I have to learn to