been able to remember earlier this evening. He, Ralph, had been holding Ed back, trying to keep him pinned against the bent hood of his car long enough for reason to reassert itself, and Dorrance had said "I wouldn't) that Ralph ought to stop touching him.
"He said he couldn't see my hands anymore," Ralph muttered, swinging his feet out of bed. "That was it."
He sat where he was for a little while, head down, hair frizzed up wildly in back, his fingers laced loosely together between his thighs.
At last he stepped into his slippers and shuffled into the living room.
It was time to start waiting for the sun to come up.
Part I LITTLE BALD DOCTORS CHAPTER 4
Although cynics always sounded more plausible than the cockeyed optimists of the world, Ralph's experience had been that they were wrong at least as much of the time, if not more, and he was delighted to find that McGovern was wrong about Helen Deepneau-in her case, a single verse of "The Beaten-Up, Broken-Hearted Blues" seemed to have been enough.
On Wednesday of the following week, just as Ralph was deciding he'd better track down the woman Helen had spoken with in the hospital (Tillbury, her name had been-Gretchen Tillbury) and try to make sure Helen was okay, he received a letter from her. The return address was simple-)just Helen and Nat, High Ridge-but it,A,as enough to relieve Ralph's mind considerably. He sat down in his chair on the porch, tore the end off the envelope, and shook out two sheets of lined paper crammed with Helen's back-slanted handwriting.
Dear Ralph [the letter began], I suppose by now you must be thinking I decided to be mad at you after all, but I really didn't.
It's just that we're supposed to stay out of contact with everyone-by phone and letter-for the first few days. Rules of the house. I like this place very much, and so does Nat. Of course she does; there are at least six kids her age to crawl around with. As for me, I am finding more women who know what I've been through than I ever would have believed. I mean, you see the TV showsOprah Talks with Women Who Love Men Who Use Them for Punching Bags-but when it happens to you, you can't help feeling that it's happening in a way it's never happened to anyone else, in a way that's brand new to the world. The relief of knowing that's not true is the best thing that's happened to me in a long, long time...
She talked about the chores to which she had been assignedworking in the garden, helping to repaint an equipment shed, washing the storm windows with vinegar and water-and about Nat's adventures in learning to walk.
The rest of the letter was about what had happened and what she intended to do about it, and it was here that Ralph for the first time really sensed the emotional turmoil Helen must be feeling, her worries about the future, and, counterbalancing these things, a formidable determination to do what was right for Nat... and for herself, too. Helen seemed to be just discovering that she also had a right to the right thing. Ralph was happy she had found out, but sad when he thought of all the dark times she must have trudged through in order to reach that simple insight.
I'm going to divorce him [she wrote]. Part of my mind (it sounds like my mother when it talks) just about howls when I put it that bluntly, but I'm tired of fooling myself about My situation, There's a lot of therapy out here, the kind of thing where people sit around in a circle and use up about four boxes of Kleenex an hour, but it all seems to come back to seeing things plain. in my case, the plain fact is that the man I married has been replaced by a dangerous paranoid. That he can sometimes be loving and sweet isn't the point but a distraction.
I need to remember that the man who used to bring me hand-picked flowers now sometimes sits on the porch and talks to someone who isn't there, a man he calls "the little bald doctor." Isn't that a beaut? I think I have an idea of how all this started, Ralph, and when I see you I'll tell You, if you really want to hear.
I should be back at the house on Harris Avenue (for awhile, anyway) by mid-September, if