right away. I said that whatever I did, I didn't have to consult her before I did it, or I listen to her line lof bullshit just biecause her husband had cut her once. almost said he probably did it because she wouldn't shut up and go away and give him some peace, can you believe that? But I was really pissed, Ralph. Hurting... confused... ashamed... but mostly just P.O."d."
"I think that's probably a pretty normal reaction."
"She asked me how I'd feel about myself-not about Ed but about myself-if I went back into the relationship and Ed beat me up again.
Then she asked how I'd feel if I went back in and Ed did it to Nat.
That made me furious-It still makes me furious. Ed has never laid so much as a finger on her, and I said so. She nodded and said, 'That doesn't mean he won't, Helen. I know you don't want to think about that, but you have to. Still, suppose you're right?
Suppose he never so much as slaps her on the wrist? Do you want her to grow up watching him hit -you? Do you want her to grow up seeing the things she saw today?" And that stopped me. Stopped me cold. I remembered how Ed looked when he came back in... how I knew as soon as I saw how white his face was... the way his head was moving..."
"Like a rooster," Ralph murmured.
"What?"
"Nothing. Go on."
"I don't know what set him off... I never do anymore, but I knew he was going to start in on me. There's nothing you can do or say to stop it once he gets to a certain point. I ran for the bedroom, but he grabbed me by the hair... pulled out a great big bunch of it... I screamed... and Natalie was sitting there in her highchair... sitting there watching us... and when I screamed, she screamed..."
Helen broke down then, crying hard. Ralph waited with his forehead leaning against the side of the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. He used the end of the dishtowel he'd slung over his shoulder to wipe away his own tears almost without thinking about it.
"Anyway," Helen said when she was capable of speaking again, "I ended up talking to this woman for almost an hour. It's called Victim Counselling and she does it for a living, can you believe it?"
"Yes," Ralph said. "I can. It's a good thing, Helen."
"I'm going to see her again tomorrow, at WomanCare. It's ironic, you know, that I should be going there. I mean, if I hadn't signed that petition.
"If it hadn't been the petition, it would have been something else."
She sighed. "Yes, I guess that might be true. Is true. Anyway, Gretchen says I can't solve Ed's problems, but I can start solving some of my own." Helen started to cry again and then took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry-I've cried so much today I never want to cry again. I told her I loved him. I felt ashamed to say it, and I'm not even sure it's true, but it feels true. I said I wanted to give him another chance.
She said that meant I was committing Natalie to give him another chance, too, and that made me think of how she looked sitting there in the kitchen, with pureed spinach all over her face, screaming her head off while Ed hit me.
God, I hate the way people like her drive you into a corner and won't let you Out."
"She's trying to help, that's all."
"I hate that, too. I'm very confused, Ralph. Probably you didn't know that, but I am." A wan chuckle drifted down the telephone line.
"That's okay, Helen. It's natural for you to be confused."
"Just before she left, she told me about High Ridge. Right now that sounds like just the place for me."
"What is it?"
"A kind of halfway house-she kept explaining that it was a house' not a shelter-for battered women. Which is what I guess I now officially am." This time the wan chuckle sounded perilously close to a sob. "I can have Nat with me if I go, and that's a major part of the attraction."
"Where is this place?"
"In the country. Out toward Newport, I think."
"Yeah, I guess I knew that."
Of course he did; Ham Davenport had told him during his WomanCare spiel. They're involved in family counselling... spouse and child abuse... they run a shelterfor abused women over by the Newport town line. All at once