fighter and yet a good person. Yes, my boy would be a good person who took others’ feelings in consideration before his own. He would get the best of me and the best of Abilene.
“We’re having a boy,” Abilene said to me, breaking me out of my thoughts. “Is that what you were hoping for?”
“I didn’t have a preference… or at least I didn’t think so.” But now that I knew the sex of the baby. “Yes, I’m so happy we’re having a boy.”
I blinked away the tears and leaned down and kissed the top of her head.
“All looks completely fine. I don’t think you need to see me again until after the Initiation is over,” the doctor said as she began packing up. “Mrs. H has my contact information if you want to reach out to me afterwards, but once you leave here, you’ll want to get a closer doctor and set up a birthing plan.” She smiled at me and then Abilene. “Congratulations.”
“This doesn’t seem real,” Abilene said as she sat up and wiped at her stomach.
“Oh, it’s real,” Mrs. H said with a joyful laugh. “A mini Beau Radcliffe… Lord help us all.” She turned on her heels still laughing and exited the room.
“A Radcliffe,” I repeated. “I never thought I’d carry on the family name.”
I looked down at Abilene who had tears cascading down her face. I swiped at a tear with my thumb and then cupped her chin so she had to look into my eyes.
“I will always be there for you and our son. Always. I give you my word. And in my world, our word is everything.” I swallowed against the emotion that nearly choked me. “You and this baby will be my everything.”
19
Abilene
I was going to have a baby. A little baby boy.
I was going to have Beau’s little baby boy.
The days were long and unending… and yet part of me never wanted them to end. Especially with the long stretch of time with no Trials, it was just me and Beau secluded away from the world.
He worked, yes, but not from dawn to dusk like he used to.
He took extensive breaks for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and we’d talk and tell stories and make each other laugh. He had a wicked humor underneath that dry, no-nonsense demeanor. He told me endless stories about the shit he and his friends used to get up to, as kids and then as teenagers at Darlington Prep.
It was a world I couldn’t imagine, except I could, because it came so alive through his eyes and words as he shared it.
I was more mum about my past. I still didn’t know how to share who I’d been when I wasn’t exactly proud of everything I’d done. It still seemed a little too close to the surface to talk about my former career scamming guys. My justifications that the only dudes I scammed were assholes rang a little hollow now.
It wasn’t the person I wanted to be anymore. It wasn’t the kind of mother I wanted for my son. I wanted to make an honest living, even if I tried to understand that my options had been limited at the time that Tina had taken me under her manipulative wing.
The future would be different, though, and that was all that mattered. At least that was what I told myself when the old anxieties came back.
Everything just seemed too good to be true. How could I trust this? How could I truly trust Beau?
He said he wanted to be there for me. Not just the baby, but for me. He said he wanted a future with me once we left the Oleander… but there had never been mentions of any specifics.
It was easy to wonder if they were just words said in the heat of passion. When the going got tough… would he get going? Would he leave me in the dust like every single person had before him?
When he wrapped his arms around me at night, usually after yet another exhaustive bout of lovemaking, it was easy to believe his words. His promises. It was easy to believe that a happily ever after could be possible. Even for a girl like me, who’d been thrown away like trash her entire life.
But then morning would come, and the bed beside me would be cold and empty. Beau always woke up before me and he’d be away at his desk, answering emails before breakfast.
I told myself it was silly.