“And this is not good for you. It’s not good for Tim.” I let go of her hands as I gesture around. “And it’s certainly not good for the baby, because at this rate, the baby’s never going to get born!”
“It’s just … challenging.” Hannah sinks down onto the bed, looking worn out. “I don’t know how people do it.”
“They’ve been doing it for centuries,” I say, sinking down beside her. “They didn’t have to-do lists in caveman times, did they?”
“They probably did,” returns Hannah, her eyes glinting. “Cave drawings are probably all to-do lists. Pick up supper. Kill mammoth. Make bearskin.”
I grin back and for a moment we’re quiet. Then I look up.
“Hannah, do you actually know anyone with a baby?”
“Well … not really,” admits Hannah after a pause. “I mean, a couple of people at work have had them. I held one once.”
“You held one baby once?” I say incredulously. “That’s it? So where did you get all this from?” I wave at the file cards.
“Online. And books. It is on my to-do list to meet real mums,” she adds defensively.
“OK,” I say. “Well, Nicole has a million friends with babies. Why don’t you meet one and ask her what it’s like? Maybe Tim could come along too. And you could both think about having an actual baby, instead of a to-do list.”
“Yes,” says Hannah. She heaves a heavy sigh and I can see her eyes traveling about the little room as though seeing it for the first time. “Yes. That would be good. That would be great, in fact. Thanks, Fixie. I’ll call Nicole.”
“I can talk to her,” I volunteer. “If that’s easier?”
“No, I’ll do it,” says Hannah, as I knew she would, because she’s like me—she does things for herself.
“Come here.” I pull her in for a hug. “I want you to relax. Both you and Tim. And you will.”
“What about you?” asks Hannah as we eventually draw apart. “I haven’t even asked about—”
“Oh, you know,” I cut her off hurriedly. “Nothing to see. All over.”
It’s nearly two weeks since that mortifying night at 6 Folds Place. I haven’t seen Jake or Leila since the morning after and I certainly haven’t heard anything from Ryan.
“Well, you know what I think,” says Hannah. And I nod because I do, and we’ve said it all, both of us.
—
I know Tim’s on his way home from work and I suspect Hannah wants to have a long talk with him, so I don’t stay for supper, even though she offers. As I step outside her front door, the air is so freezing, I gasp. It’s the coldest October on record and they’re talking about snow.
Greg loves it. He kept going outside today to survey the gray sky knowingly and using the word Snowpocalypse. I had to turn down suggestions from him that Farrs should stock balaclavas, sleds, and urine bottles (urine bottles?) from some activewear catalog that he adores.
“People are going to need this stuff,” he said about twenty times. “You wait.”
The more he pestered me, the firmer my resolve became: I am never, ever stocking a urine bottle. I don’t care if it is the Snowpocalypse. I don’t care if they were used on a genuine polar expedition, I don’t want to know.
(I must admit, I did wonder: What about girls? And I would have asked Greg, except he would have given me some frank and terrible answer which would have lodged in my brain forever.)
I walk briskly through the streets of Hammersmith and I’m nearing the tube station when I get an incoming call from Drew. I haven’t heard from him for a while.
“Drew!” I exclaim. “How are you?”
“Oh, I’m good, thanks,” he says, sounding preoccupied. “Is Nicole with you, by any chance?”
“No,” I say in surprise.
“It’s just that I keep trying her phone, but she’s not picking up.”
“Oh,” I say warily. “Well, maybe her phone’s broken or something.”
“Yeah, maybe. Maybe.” Drew exhales and there’s a short silence. Quite an expensive silence, I can’t help thinking, what with him being in Abu Dhabi.
“Drew,” I venture, “is everything OK?”
“Well, not really,” says Drew heavily. “Here’s the thing. Nicole keeps saying she’ll come out and visit me here in Abu Dhabi. She promises she’ll get a flight. But then she doesn’t. Has she mentioned it to you at all?”
“No,” I admit. “But then, we don’t talk that much.”
“I know she’s really busy, being the face of Farrs and doing her yoga and all that,” he says. “And I respect that,