in my lap.
“I was happy in those dreams. Until I woke up and guilt hit me for enjoying what I knew was wrong.
“Then, Mom showed up and told me everything I thought was wrong was actually right. That she wasn’t a demon but a different kind of woman. Watching Dad fall to his knees in front of her, though, made me wonder who was right because she did more than tempt him. She changed him.” I shook my head. “The man who preached modesty would have had sex with her in public if she’d asked him to.”
The air started to warm in the car, and Fenris opened the vents.
“Seeing how Mom fed and what happened to the people she fed on disturbed me. But learning that I was the same creature? That terrified me. It still does. I love her, but I don’t want to be anything like her.”
“So don’t be. Be who you want to be.”
He made it sound easy, but it was far from that. It wasn’t possible to be a succubus who didn’t feed. Not without dying, and I didn’t want to die. Yet, I refused to hurt anyone to spare myself. No matter what Adira and my mother said, I would cling to what remained of my humanity for as long as possible.
A sudden realization hit me, and a sick weight settled into my stomach.
I was clinging to something that had never existed.
I wasn’t human. The simplicity of human relationships, no matter how much I craved them, would never be mine.
Heart-heavy, I let the epiphany settle into my mind. In that moment, more than any previous ones, I struggled with any sense of self because the Eliana I’d been raised to be was nothing more than a lie. In a way, coming to that realization was a relief. It meant I could let go of the obligations that tormented me. Or, rather, I could try to. Letting go was often harder than holding on.
Taking my silence as the end of the conversation, Fenris shifted into gear and turned around. I thought we were heading back to town, but he turned onto a road that led to the pack homes and the cabin.
I didn’t ask where we were going since either place would be fine with me. Just so long as he wasn’t returning me to the Quills’ house yet. I still hadn’t decided what I was going to do about dinner. While I knew Mom’s invitation would trump Adira’s, I also knew that avoiding Adira wouldn’t make her go away. Especially now that she knew the tracking spell was gone.
Fenris passed the road to pack territory. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask what he would do in my shoes, but I already knew. He’d told me time and again not to run from Adira, that it’d only goad her. So, that meant attending the dinner.
I wrinkled my nose at the idea, already knowing how it would go. Why did we need to keep repeating the same process?
“That’s the second time you’ve sighed,” Fenris said. “Want to tell me what you’re thinking?”
“That Adira is annoying, and I don’t want to go to her stupid dinner tonight. But I know if I don’t go, she’ll just find a way to make me more miserable.”
He parked the car in the clearing and grinned at me.
“You’re learning. So what are you going to do to attend the dinner your way?”
“I don’t know yet, but I have a few hours of fire-gazing to figure it out.”
“That’s my girl.” He winked at me and got out, missing my blush and, hopefully, the sound of my racing heart.
Clearing my throat, I got out and looked at the expanse of trees in front of me.
“I really need better boots if I’m going to keep coming here.”
“Come on. I’ll give you another ride.”
Considering I’d kissed his chest already today, I didn’t think another trip in his arms was a good idea. For him. I’d been cold enough on the way to the car that I hadn’t noticed much of anything. But now? I could smell the lust coming off of him, and it was stirring my hunger more than I would have liked to acknowledge.
“I think I’ll walk for a bit.”
“I know you’re hungry, Eliana. You asked me to fight you when your control’s weak. Haven’t I always? I won’t ever let you do something you’ll regret. Don’t say no because you’re afraid.”
“Fine.” I turned toward him and lifted my arms