my annoyance show.
“I came here to relax. Is that going to happen, or should I just go home?”
“You know you don’t want to go home.”
“I know I don’t want to stay here if you keep pressuring me to feed. You’re not supposed to be like them.”
He flinched like I’d hit him.
“You’re right. I’m not.” He lifted himself from the pool, and I quickly averted my gaze so I wouldn’t see how the water molded his shorts to places I had no right to consider.
“Use the pool, Eliana. Relax. I’ll check on you in a while to make sure you don’t drown.”
He walked away into the darkness of the tunnel, leaving me alone with my guilt and thoughts.
I returned to the pool and sank to my chin. The heat should have melted away my tension, but it didn’t. Fenris’s words continued to ring in my ears, and I couldn’t help but dwell on what my life would be like if I fed on him and he gave himself to me like he said.
I’d witnessed what it was like with bonded pairs. Their love couldn’t be swayed and tarnished by someone like me. The idea of such an incorruptible love and loyalty without needing to use coercion made my heart race. What wouldn’t I give for that? To have someone love me, truly love me, not with mindless devotion but with a purposeful awareness of choosing me, and only me, above all others? My bottom lip trembled, and the ache in my chest grew. That was all I wanted. And it was something I would never have.
I didn’t want to be like my mom and feed on other men so she could safely sleep with Dad at night. One man. That was it. Yet, just one feeding would destroy any partner I chose.
Taking a breath, I sank under the water and forced my mind to clear. Finally, some of the tension started to fade, and my chaotic thoughts focused.
What I wanted from life didn’t matter as much as just figuring out how to live. I knew Fenris’s offer to feed from him stemmed from his need to help me find a solution to my problem. How long had it been since I’d fed? I felt like I was on the longest streak yet, discounting Piepen’s horrendous contribution.
I shuddered under the water and resurfaced to take a cleansing breath.
My strong opposition to feeding had been in stealing someone’s free will in exchange for keeping myself alive. Mrs. Quill had been a convenient answer since she’d been unaffected by me, but I’d known all along she wasn’t a long-term solution.
Sighing, I thought of the dryads. While I felt fairly certain I’d accidentally fed on the pair, they hadn’t followed me from the woods despite being seduced. That was promising. However, their lack of obsession could have been due to a number of factors, like the fact that I hadn’t fed much or that they were unable to leave their trees. Therefore, could I say I safely fed from them?
And even if it was safe to feed from them, could I? I remembered the earth and rain taste and made a small face. It hadn’t tasted the best, but it was far better than brownie lust.
Grudgingly, I thought maybe, if I was really hungry, I could—I shook the thought away. I wasn’t hungry at the moment. At least, not like I was used to being hungry. So there was no point in that line of thinking.
Fenris had gotten into my head again.
Resting against the ledge, I closed my eyes and let myself float. The gentle lap of the water and distant drip lulled me enough that I gradually drifted into a state of semi-awareness.
“You’re smiling,” Fenris said softly. “I think that means your time’s up.”
“That sounds ominous,” I murmured.
The water dipped and swelled around me a moment before Fenris’s cool, strong arms slid around my shoulders and under my knees.
“Definitely done.”
The timbre of his voice caressed my middle, and my hunger stirred.
“Shh. No talking.”
I turned my head and inhaled deeply, my nose pressed against the crook of his neck.
“You always smell good. I shouldn’t be able to smell you so much in here. You’re too tempting.”
He chuckled.
“That’s what all the girls say.”
I thought of his herd and nodded.
“I guess I’m one of them now, too. Does that mean you’re going to stop talking to me and start running away and hiding?”
“Nope. Because then you’d need to be the flirty one to come find me and