tip once more then run my lips up his stomach, chest, and neck until I can nuzzle into him.
“I don’t want to let you go.” Shaw kisses my head, cradling me into his body.
“Because I give good blow jobs?” I giggle.
“That was beyond good, you always are. I was referring to the fact you have to work in two hours.”
“I know the feeling.” I sigh, wishing time would stand still, and we could stay this way for the rest of the night.
“I’d like to talk to you about something, but I don’t want you to think I’m a prick.”
“What is it?” I prop on his chest, so I can see his face. Worry lines frame his eyes, and my senses go on alert.
His hand moves to my head, and he runs his fingers through my hair, brushing it down my back. I watch his eyes move over my face and see the hesitancy. “Shaw?”
“How does the scheduling work at the hospital? Are you contracted to nights? Is there a way to adjust your hours?”
“It’s not a contract, per say. Claire and I volunteered for nights to help the nurses that have children at home.”
“Is there a way to do both? Maybe alternate weeks?”
“Sure, I could talk to Evie about it. She’s very accommodating. Like I said, I choose to work nights. Why do you ask?”
“Because I’m a greedy bastard, and I hate losing you three to four nights a week. My hours are about to get crazy, at least through the World Series and the Super Bowl. I’m going to be traveling more, and I want the time I’m home to be with you as much as possible.”
“I don’t think that’s greedy. It’s sweet. It may take some time to work out the kinks, but I’ll talk to Evie tonight. Give her a heads up.”
“It’s that easy?”
“Sure, I’m not saying it’ll happen overnight, but we’re fully staffed with PRNs that are looking for more hours.”
“Could you do that PRN thing?”
I slap his chest lightly and shake my head. “No! I love my job, and besides, I’m pretty sure my salary would drop immensely.”
“You won’t need as much money when you move in. I’ll take care of everything.” He speaks so casually, I blink a few times to make sure I heard him correctly.
“You will not!” I scramble up into a sitting position. He moves up against the headboard and crosses his arms, giving me a blank stare.
“Why not?”
“Are you serious about this? Because if so, we’ve skipped over a very important conversation. I thought that was a given.”
“But why, if I can take care of it? I make a shitload of money, Bizzy—”
“Stop right there. Your money is inconsequential to me. I like my independence. Giving up my apartment is one thing, but giving up my job is not an option.”
“Is that what you think I’m saying? I didn’t mean it like that.”
“That’s what it sounded like. My job is very important to me… it’s more than a job. I have a sense of accomplishment when I walk through those halls. Those kids are so much more than patients. We’re all a family, and I’ve gained respect and acceptance from my co-workers that’s irreplaceable.”
“Of course you have, that shouldn’t even be a factor.”
I drop my eyes and twist the sheets in my hands, trying to find a way to tell him exactly why this means so much. It’s been a long time since I’ve dug up the feelings of the rejected and humiliated teenager who craved approval from anyone because my self-esteem was annihilated. The bad memories swarm in my mind, bringing anxiety with them.
“I had a really rough time in high school, Shaw. People made my life a living hell, and that bled into college as well. It wasn’t the cancer. It was the cruelty of people who hated me. It took a really long time for me to find myself and a place where I was comfortable in my life. My job is one of those places. Believe it or not, it’s a sanctuary for me. A place I know I’m making a difference, and no one can deny that. I have friends at work, and not only Claire and Evie. I have a true group of people who come together and care about each other.”
When I raise my head, his face is white, and his eyes are stormy, boring into me. When he speaks, a chill runs up my spine.