after all these years?”
“I am, and I’m not. It’s hard to explain.”
“Try me,” Lexia offered with a smile.
“I don’t know how to be anyone else, Lex. What I am has been a part of me for a long time. Who am I when this is all over?” The raw pain and utter hopelessness in his voice hurt Lexia as if it were her own. She knew how he felt. She didn’t know where she fit when the battle was finally over. She wasn’t sure she deserved to fit. Maybe she was taking the easy option, wanting to die along with the compound, but then the other option was to try and find her place with Lincoln…and after all she had done…Lexia felt death was what she deserved.
“You’ll still be you – loyal, brave – only now you’ll finally have a chance to be a husband and father.”
“For all I know they’ve moved on, Lex. They think I’m dead. It wouldn’t be fair for me to walk back into their lives.”
“It wouldn’t be fair for your daughter to not know her father.” Lexia slipped her hand inside her pocket, her fingers searching for the picture she’d placed there after searching Lucy’s office. “You deserve to know her,” she said softly, passing him the photo.
His eyes widened, filling with the agony he was normally so good at keeping locked away. “Where’d you get this?” he whispered, his voice rough with emotion.
“Inside a file in Lucy’s office,” she admitted, wincing as she anticipated his reaction.
“You what?” he yelled, all pain suddenly gone. “Lexia, why would you be so reckless?”
Taking her eyes off the road, she glared at Derrick. “Lucy had taken enough from you. She doesn’t get that as well.”
Derrick didn’t have time to argue further. Grey appeared beside the car, running in wolf form. Lexia pulled the truck over. “Stay in the car. I won’t be long,” she said, jumping out into the rain.
Spotting Grey just out of view from any passing cars, she jogged over. Her feet struggled to find grip in the sludgy mud. Hunching her shoulders against the driving rain, she stopped a few feet before him.
Though Grey was naked, the rain running over his body in tiny rivers, it didn’t seem to bother him. “Wonderful weather.” Lexia laughed.
Raising an eyebrow, he replied, “You’re short on time and you’d like to chat about the godforsaken rain that hasn’t let up in days?”
“Show me the exit,” she answered, all laughter gone from her voice.
Turning his back against the rain, Grey pulled out the sheet of paper from its plastic cover. “It’s a little worse for wear, with the rain and having only a mouth for carrying.” Pointing on the map, he continued, “This is the usual exit you sneak out of, the cargo hold, so we were thinking this one. Its center and the land around it runs flat, before sloping up, giving us the better advantage for containment, plus there is a panel of fencing that’s not electrified.”
“I’m happy with that,” Lexia answered, already turning to leave.
“You don’t want to go over the plan again?” Grey asked after her.
“It’s on my cell, Grey. I’ve supplies to collect. Try not to blow the truck up this time. Not much point rescuing a race who are starved to death.”
“Kill her and get out, Lexia.”
“That’s the plan,” she called, jogging for the truck.
“Is it?” he asked following.
Lexia stopped. Turning slowly, she could hardly see him through the driving rain. “What are you getting at, Grey?”
“I see it in your eyes, Lex. You have never planned to live through this war.”
“I’m tired, Grey,” she answered sadly. She didn’t owe him any more explanation.
“So is your mate.”
Lexia felt his words like a slap. Needing to get away, she ran, slipping and sliding until she reached the truck.
“Everything all right?” Derrick asked as she jumped in, setting off far too fast.
“Not really, but then when have things ever been okay?”
Talking ceased until they reached the airport. Lexia’s mind focused on the panther she hurt every day, a panther she both longed to be with and needed to run from.
“Over there,” Derrick indicated as they arrived. “What do you suppose this package is?”
“I’d rather not know,” Lexia muttered, glancing at him as she rounded a corner.
“Park here,” Derrick instructed.
“How are we supposed to know who to meet?” Lexia gazed out the window trying to see through the rain. She never noticed the man until he tapped on the glass. Jumping, she glanced at Derrick before pulling