I saud, gesturing to the book in my lap, “shows a Holder bound to a non-Holder. Even if for some reason I’m bound to Alex, he can’t ever be happy with me.”
“The next time I hear you say the words can’t, or shouldn’t, or wouldn’t, I’ll smack you,” she threatened, shaking her finger at me in full-on Russian grandma mode. “There are no rules. For the rest of us maybe, but not for you. How many times do we have to prove that for you to believe it?”
“Then what are you saying, that…?” I paused, remembering something she’d said earlier. “Wait, you said that Alex and I are Anams. What you meant to say was that he was my Anam, right?”
“I know what I said.”
“But…” I stumbled over my own thoughts. “You didn’t mean…” I looked at Min, but she only sat quietly, offering nothing, like a teacher waiting for her student to work the answer out for themselves. “We’re each other’s Anam? No, that can’t be – yeah.” I answered her glare. “I said it – can’t be. He would have had to figure that out the first day we met! There is no way he has gone all this time, feeling like… like this,” I said, pointing at to myself, “and not said anything.”
“What was he to say?”
“I don’t know, but something!”
“At the time he realized, you would not have understood, and since then you have been under a constant stream of information. He didn’t want to add to your burden or overwhelm you.”
“So what, he was waiting for me to just figure it out?”
“No, he fully intended to tell you, but that was before the test. Before we found out that you are also a Holder. Since then he has believed as you do: that a Holder cannot be bound to another Holder. That his bonding to you was a mistake, and that you are in fact destined for someone else.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m sorry, I don’t buy it.” And I didn’t. It was impossible that Alex wouldn’t have given me some sign, some hint after all this time.
“You see what I say is true,” she said, in the annoying way she had of wording a question as a statement.
“No, sorry, but I don’t.”
“Then you will see it soon enough, and you will realize how fortunate you are. The bond that has been forged between the two of you is like nothing our kind has ever seen. A Holder to a Holder, bonded on both sides; it has never happened before. But be mindful. In this bond you have a dual-edged sword which can cut deeper than its single-bladed cousin, but when wielded properly can be a fierce weapon.”
“What should I do?”
“That is not for me to say. Where you go from here is entirely up to you. However,” she said, coming over and putting an arm around me, guiding me to the door, “if I had to make a suggestion, I would say you should go and get a good night’s rest.”
“But I need to see him; I need to talk to him. You can’t expect me to wait–” but I was silenced by Min’s finger over my mouth.
“Much as I do not want Alex to suffer any longer than necessary,” she said, continuing to guide me toward the door, “you are not in a state of mind at the moment for rational discussion.”
“What are you talking about? I’m fine.”
“You will be more ‘fine’ in the morning. Now go.” She opened the door shooing me out. “Get to bed.”
“It’s not even seven o’clock!”
“Never mind that, you will sleep, trust me. No more arguments; get to bed.”
“But I’m not tired!”
She glared at me. “Don’t make me hypnotize you,” she said, pointing again.
I eyed her warily. “You can’t… wait, can you do that?”
“Maybe I can, maybe I can’t. Do you want to find out?”
“Fine,” I huffed, stomping off down the hall as Min closed the door behind me with what I swear was a chuckle.
“What does she know?” I muttered to myself on the way up the stairs. “There is nothing wrong with me, I’m fine!”
I got to my floor, and stood at the top of the stairs not wanting to go to bed – out of spite if nothing else – but not sure what else to do. My hand came to rest against my leg and I felt the small distinct lump of my woven cross in my pocket.