turned on my heel and ran up to his floor taking the stairs two at a time. Screw Min, what did she know? I’d never felt better in my life; I could do this. I jogged down the hall to Alex’s door, and took a deep breath. This would be easy. I would knock, he would answer, and I would say…
I would say…
What would I say?
I stood there, locked in place, hand poised to knock, with no idea what to do next. A shuffling noise from the other side of the door sent a stab of panic to my throat, and I took off running down the hall, down the stairs and into my room before taking another breath.
I staggered into the bedroom and slumped over onto the bed, feeling the pricking of tears once again sting my eyes.
Dear God, this was ridiculous! When did I become such a blubbering ninny?
Maybe Min was right, I wasn’t myself. If nothing else, the fact that I’d now been on the verge of crying – something I’d not done in, well, I couldn’t remember how long – three times in one night, should have been enough to tell me all was not right in Becca-land and maybe I should hold off talking to anyone about anything emotion-related, much less Alex.
I changed into my nightclothes, brushed my teeth, braided my hair, and crawled into bed, hoping Min was right and sleep would come fast despite the hour. Though, much as I wanted to relax, I couldn’t – not with Alex less than twenty feet above my head. Normally it was bad enough lying in bed knowing he was so close and yet so far, but his pacing the floor each night had always done its magic, singing me off to sleep. However, since my awakening as a Holder, he’d stopped his nightly march, leaving me in silence. And now with all these new feelings swelling inside me, making me want nothing more than to have him near, that silence was deafening. But the worst of all my newfound Alex-related sensations was the fact that now I could feel him. I could feel his actual physical being in the room. It was like a warm magnet, pulling deep within my chest.
I tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable, knowing that if Alex didn’t find some way to fall asleep that there was no way I would, and hating that there was nothing I could do. Or nothing that I was mentally and emotionally prepared enough to trust myself to do, anyway.
Then again, maybe there was…
Remembering what Mr Anderson had said during our training session this afternoon I reached over and unclipped my Sciath, sliding it off my arm and setting on the bedside table. I felt the fuzzy, unfocused awareness come over me, which was a far cry from the crisp, defined sense I had when my Sciath was unblocked, but for what I wanted to try this would be fine. I felt the brush of Alex’s ability and reached out with my own, intending to join us. It was harder this time, my mental reach like trying to direct a cloud of fog as opposed to the clear band of force I’d already become used to. Finally, I was able to make the connection, shaky though it may have been, and felt his energy flow into me, entwining with mine. I relaxed immediately, relishing the feeling of the connection like I would a warm blanket tucked up under my chin. In turn, I felt the link between us begin to unwind him, though he likely had no idea what it was, seeing it only – as Mr Anderson had put it – as a comforting change in mood.
As I felt the tension slowly begin to drain out of him I snuggled down into my pillow, happy that, while I didn’t feel ready to talk to him just yet, I was still able to offer him some sort of comfort. A drowsy curtain began to slip over the both of us, finally allowing the exhausted man above me to glide off to sleep, with me chasing at his heels.
21
“Why can’t you be there?” Ryland asked, as we walked through fog on our way to Lorcan for his Awakening.
“Because, buddy, they said I can’t. There’s no reason to be scared, it wo–”
“I’m not scared.”
“Right, sorry.” I bit my lip to keep from smiling.
Truth was I’d been trying to find a way to weasel my way into