before continuing. “Finding your Anam is like finding an extension of yourself in another person. Someone who will likely be very much like you in many respects, but also very different in others. Someone who complements you, balances you. They provide strength for your weaknesses, humility to your brashness, and comfort to your fears.”
She stood and went over to one of the bookcases on the wall, pulled out a thick blue book and brought it back to the couch. The cover was worn, but I could see an image embossed onto the leather that looked familiar.
“Is that the Iris?”
She nodded, opening to a brightly colored page, then handing the book over to me. The page was covered in an ornate drawing of two people, surrounded by a frame of intricate Celtic knots and other decorative images. The style reminded me of Egyptian hieroglyphs, the way the shapes were simple and the people were nondescript in gender, yet the level of detail and elaborate decoration reminded me of the icons of saints in Orthodox churches. The couple in the picture were standing with their bodies facing forward, while their heads were turned to the side, looking at each other and smiling. In the center of each of their chests was a gold circle with faded edges as if to represent light, but the figure on the left had a much smaller light than his right side counterpart. In the center there was a golden ray connecting the two lights, expanding in size as it went from left to right, almost as if the smaller light were feeding the larger.
“When a Holder,” Min said, pointing to the figure on the right with the larger light, “finds the non-Holder they are destined for,” she continued, now pointing to the other figure, “their spirits recognize one another, and the Holder is bound to that person forever.” She touched the two lights and traced the frame encircling the couple. “The legend tells us that this bond was created when the goddess created new non-Holders from all the removed portions of the Holder’s souls, but it has also been said that this was not merely an accident. Many Holders believe, myself included, that it was done intentionally, so that each Holder would not have to bear the burden of his or her ability – and they are burdens at times – without someone there to give them strength.” She slid her finger across the golden light connecting the two spirits. “Give them love and support to lighten their load. Give them life.”
“But, if all that is true, then I shouldn’t have bonded with Alex. He’s a Holder; I should have bonded with a non-Holder.”
“There you are with that word again, what did I tell you about that?” she said, pursing her lips. “I won’t try to explain it, because the truth is I cannot. All I know is that you and Alex are Anams. I am as certain of that as I am that I live and breathe. Your tongue can protest all it wants, but your saol cannot lie.”
“So Chloe was right then, with all that love at first touch stuff?”
“Bah!” She waved her hand as if to shoo away my words. “Love is a cheap word. Anyone can say it, and few truly know what it means. But the Anam bond runs far deeper than that. It is the most profound connection one person can have with another, and it is not always, as they say, wine and roses. In fact,” she continued, “it will be a good lesson for you.”
“Lesson?”
“A lesson in trust and to let go of your need for control.”
“I don’t…” but my denial died on my tongue. “I’ve always been the strong one,” I said, loathing the traitorous tears that again filled my eyes, but unable to do anything about them.
“Of course you were. You had to be. But occasionally letting go of control and trusting someone else to act when you cannot, does not mean you are weak – it means you are smart. Being bonded to another in this way is no easy thing. Trusting so completely, and having your happiness so dependent on another person, can be downright terrifying at times, but believe me when I say the rewards are worth the cost.”
“That’s all well and good, but I still don’t understand,” I said, pressing my temples to my forehead. “Chloe told me that a Holder can only be truly happy with their Anam, and even this,”