accepts this. It’s a relief.
“Ah,” I say. “I guess in lieu of a swimsuit, you thought your briefs would do. Smart.”
I ruffle his hair and check the time. Late morning. The minutes are crawling by as I wait for Lev to return, fighting back that niggling thought that he might not return.
“I’ll tell you what, let’s get you dressed because you can’t swim in your undies and Mommy certainly can’t either, so we’ll go down to the gift shop and buy new swimsuits. Would you like that?”
He nods enthusiastically, and I go to retrieve his clothes from the floor of his bedroom. Once he’s dressed, I type out a quick text to Lev.
Me: I’m taking Josh swimming. Don’t worry, we’ll be safe.
I wait, hoping for a response or even acknowledgment that he’s read the text, but I get neither.
“Mommy.” Josh tries the door handle, but it won’t open because of the extra lock.
“All right, all right,” I say, dropping our room key into my purse where the gun I used the other day is. I guess Lev put it back when I didn’t know.
My belly feels tense. I hate this. I hate all of this.
Taking Josh’s hand, I open the door and set the Do Not Disturb sign on the outside of it. I smile at the two housekeepers chatting in the hall as we make our way to the elevator. We’re alone as we ride down to the lobby.
The hotel is busy. There are a restaurant and bar, which I’m sure draws in tourists and guests alike. The energy in the air is one of excitement and fun, but I’m on the outside of that.
Scanning the lobby, I don’t see anyone out of the ordinary, and no one even glances up as we walk through to the gift shop.
I must not be moving fast enough because Josh tugs at my hand and points at the little store. We walk in, and Josh goes directly to the area with floats and pool toys. I follow him and find the rack of swimsuits for kids. The price tags give me pause, but it’s this or our underwear, and I don’t really want to get kicked out of the pool, so I hold up two suits in his size.
“Minions or Marvel?”
“Minions!”
“Minions it is.”
“Mommy?” Josh holds up a pair of floaties with—surprise—minions on them and a ball.
“All right. Why not? Come on, Mommy needs a suit too. I can’t swim in my underwear, can I?”
“No. Silly Mommy.”
I buy the least expensive suit I can find, which still gives me sticker shock at eighty dollars. I hate that Lev will have to pay for these things because I have about twenty-five dollars on me, but I charge it all to our room and ask the girl to cut off the tags before we leave.
Josh happily carries his ball, and I take our bag to head to the pool, which is one floor down. I can already smell the chlorine as the elevator descends, and when the doors open, I find a large indoor pool busy with families with children ranging from babies to pre-teens.
Josh is so excited that he puts down his ball and starts to strip right there.
“Whoa, kiddo,” I tell him, and I have to laugh. “Changing rooms are right there.”
“Okay.” He picks up his ball again, and we go into the changing rooms to put on our suits. I decide to keep the rest of our things in a locker, including the gun in my purse, because with all these families around, there’s no way I’d use it.
Grabbing two towels and Josh’s floats, we head to the pool, and I take a seat to blow up the floats. Once they’re secured around Josh’s arms, he runs and fearlessly jumps into the deep end.
Just like your father.
I get up and join him.
It’s late afternoon when I hear Lev’s knock, the three taps, a pause, then one more. I get up from the bed where I’m watching the door while Josh is wholly absorbed by the TV and unlock the bolt from inside.
“Thank God,” I say, melting into Lev’s arms as soon as I see him, that knot in my stomach finally coming undone.
“Daddy!” Josh comes charging off the bed and launches himself against Lev’s legs.
“This might be the best greeting I’ve ever had,” Lev says, lifting Josh with one arm and hugging us back.
We walk into the room, and Lev closes the door behind him. I step backward. He sets Josh down