Highland Escape - Cathy MacRae Page 0,50
explain yet again. “Men in my life have either been enemies or allies. Enemies like the neighboring nobles, who were only interested in me bearing their children, or enemies who have wanted to kill me. Allies have been family, clan, or fellow warriors. I have never had any other kind of relationship with a man.”
Mairi shifted on the bench, turning to face Anna directly. Emboldened, Anna continued.
“A few sons of noblemen attempted to court me in the past. I refused. They were all selfish, power-hungry fools. They only wanted a wife to stay at home, to produce their heirs whilst they continued their dalliances at court. They cared more about the amount of my dowry than me. I would not accept such a life. To become nothing but a well-kept servant and broodmare, forbidden to do the things I enjoy, and expected to be obedient to the whims of the man who possessed me. The rest saw me as a plaything for their entertainment. How can anyone with a shred of pride agree to such an onerous proposal?”
Mairi’s eyes widened in sympathy. “Indeed. Surely not all were so distasteful?”
Anna nodded her head vigorously. “Most were immediately put off by my appearance, behavior and bloodline. I am too tall, too strong and bear too many scars. I helped manage my father’s holdings, and know more about farming and livestock than about sewing or cooking. My Scottish blood certainly weighed against me. It is as popular being Scots there as it is being English here. The few times I attended court or social events, my sharp tongue and opinions did the work of pushing most potential suitors away. They saw me as an unbridled hoyden, not worth the trouble, regardless of my dowry.” Anna laughed at the remembrance of it.
“So your father dinnae force a match upon ye?”
Looking back, it did seem unusual he didn’t. “No, I think he understood how much I abhorred the idea of a forced match, and what kind of trouble I would make. Due to my reputation, I became the target of ridicule among my peers. For these reasons, I ceased attending social events altogether. I found it a relief as I had no desire to play their games. Neither did I find any attraction in their overindulgent lifestyles. Shortly after, any interest in me waned. I find the whole of English nobility repugnant. Having my home burned and my family slaughtered at the order of one only deepens my belief.”
“But recently, ye have experienced passion?”
Anna dropped her eyes, grinning broadly. “Yes,” she answered quietly.
“What do ye wish to know?”
“How can this emotion completely make reason flee? Nothing else existed but him and me. Though quite unnerving, it was a most wonderful possession.”
Mairi gave Anna a knowing smile, boosting her confidence. “Aye, sounds like passion.”
“How do I proceed? How can I know the decisions I make regarding this man are not clouded by these overpowering emotions?”
Mairi patted Anna’s hand before answering. “Time. It takes time to be able to see clearly.”
“How long did it take for you to know about Laird MacGregor?”
A thin, humorless smile appeared on Mairi’s lips and Anna immediately regretted asking the question.
“I am sorry, I did not mean to pry.”
Mairi waved her hand. “No, no, ’tis quite alright. My marriage with Kenneth MacGregor was arranged. As ye know, I am originally from the Stewart clan. Our marriage created an alliance between our people where before only neutrality existed. I knew Kenneth from a distance, with time to develop naught more than a friendly acquaintance before we wed.”
She must have read the expression on Anna’s face. A forced marriage was her worst nightmare, a fact she had thoughtlessly expressed but a few moments ago. Mairi squeezed her hand and smiled.
“’Twas difficult at first, but we have made a good match. We have forged love where none was to start. Passion has played an important role. Marriage has been hard work, but I couldnae ask for a better husband. I believe him to think me a good wife.”
They sat in silence while Anna considered her words.
Mairi shifted on the bench. “Passion is a good place to begin, but there must be trust, mutual respect and caring for love to take root. Often times ’tis more an act of will than a feeling fluttering in the stomach.”
Anna nodded, not sure she understood.
“Men are often stubborn, prideful creatures, who believe the world should bend to their command. We have to look past this part if we are