the table and when I say asleep, I mean practically unconscious. I apolo—”
“No, please don’t apologize. Thank you for helping me. I’m not upset about you carrying me to bed. It’s, I um, just realized how much time must have passed. Like, I remember you getting here, but nothing else until now. I hope I didn’t do anything too embarrassing. I don’t make much sense when I have a fever.” She smiled sheepishly and my heart sank. Her memory of the last few hours was gone; the words that had filled me with hope disappeared as if she had never spoke them aloud at all. I’d felt like I had gone two steps forward with her . . .
This step back hurt.
14
Violet
“Love is in the air and it smells like coffee.”
I hadn’t seen Jake in over a week, and I missed him more than I should. The boys were healthy again and back to school. I had also recovered from strep throat and the fever of doom and returned to work, and while we weren’t behind on the gala plans yet, a week with no meetings was not good. But he hadn’t called to reschedule, and it worried me. It made me feel like I’d often felt with Tom—on edge and jumpy, like I’d inadvertently done something to upset him. The comparison made me uncomfortable enough to put off calling him myself to arrange our next meeting. Clearly, confrontation was not my strong suit. And besides the confrontation aspect, the fact that how I was feeling reminded me of how Tom often made me feel told me I had a long way to go before I was over the hurt of my marriage.
Maybe it was too early for me to consider starting something with Jake. Jake was nothing like Tom and I didn’t want to end up projecting my doubts and hurt onto someone new; that wouldn’t be fair to either one of us.
Gah! All I wanted was Tom out of my life, but it seemed the ghosts of the hurt he caused in my life would haunt me forever.
Maybe I needed time.
Or more space.
Or a cheeseburger, extra-large fries, and super-massive Coke, chased by a slice of chocolate cherry cheesecake from the Sweetbriar Inn as a tasty distraction from these negative and useless thoughts.
My rational brain knew Jake and Tom were polar opposites. It also knew that Tom held no real power over me. I could divorce him, ignore him, leave him in my proverbial dust if I chose. It was a free country, and I was the one in control of my life, not Tom. Not even Jake and the new and giddy way he made me feel were in charge.
Down with doubt and yay for rational thoughts, I decided as I swung my Range Rover into the Inn’s parking lot with a grin. After an early therapeutic trash dinner with the boys, I would force myself to call Jake, get our gala meetings rescheduled, and exorcise a few of the butthead ghosts Tom had left me with. This was supposed to be the year of Violet and it was time I took my life by the reins and yanked them around, or whatever one was supposed to do with reins. I could do it; I could boss the hell out of my life.
School was out for the day and I’d left Holly to close the shop so I could be home for the boys. Even though they were better, I was still in overprotective mode and that meant I hovered and fretted and generally drove them crazy until I was assured they were okay.
I was at the coffee table distributing our early dinner onto paper plates when the boys arrived. “Yo,” Nick greeted, tossing his backpack on the chair in the corner, then his coat.
Finn slapped the back of his shoulder. “Hey, remember what I told you?” He proceeded to hang up his coat and backpack very neatly on the hooks near the front door.
“Oh yeah.” Nick gathered his things and followed suit as I sat there wondering what in the name of heck was going on.
“What’s with the putting-your-stuff-away thing? You’re not about to ask me for a dog, are you? You know I’m allergic—”
“No, we just want to be more helpful,” Finn answered.
“Who are you and where are my real kids?” I joked.
“The same place our real mother went. What is all this delicious crap I see on the coffee table? Have you changed your mind