what we’d just shared. We sat at the table, Jack next to me as if by design, as everyone held separate conversations. My dad and Paul talked shop, Paul having taken over my father’s successful architecture firm years earlier. My mother, Dean, and Dallas wrapped up in their own conversation about the kids.
Jack doted on me without the awareness of others, handing me a napkin before I had a chance to ask for a spare, filling my empty margarita with the pitcher on the table as soon as I’d drained it. I looked at him with a soft “thank you.” Though he didn’t look at me often or even force conversation, I could feel him with me. It was if he was holding my hand. It sent welcomed warmth through me.
An hour later, the entire table was buzzing with shared conversation as my parents chimed in with lighthearted antics of parenting.
“Rose was the hardest with her temper,” my mother said with a laugh. “She once gave her father and me the silent treatment for a full day because we refused to house her grass snake. She was so sure of everything, including her opinion, which changed daily. She was also a klutz, which terrified us to no end when she announced she wanted to be a surgeon.”
“I can see that,” Jack agreed next to me.
My mother looked over at Jack as she continued. “She once saw a homeless man downtown and insisted we take him home with us because we had the room. She cried for hours when we told her no and wouldn’t let up until we went back searching for him. When we found him, she forced Seth to empty his wallet and promised we’d be back every week on the same day.”
“I did?”
“You were five,” my father said, looking at my mother and then back at me. “He wasn’t a friendly man at all. You should have been scared of him. Instead, you surprised us. And trust me, you didn’t let us forget about him. We went back for about a month, until one day he didn’t show. You were a fearless little girl.”
“I don’t remember,” I said as I searched my bank of memories and came up empty.
“Fearless and daring,” my mother agreed. “I caught you playing peekaboo with one of the neighbor’s little boys in the backyard one day. After we had a little talk, you insisted for almost a week that one day you too would have a penis.”
Jack spit out some of the margarita he was drinking and looked at me with soft eyes and a loud laugh.
“Okay, parents, no need for anymore recap. I get it, I was a difficult child.”
“Oh, but you were so much fun,” my mother said with adoration. “Paul was responsible, Dallas was a brat, but easy maintenance, and you were our wild card.”
“That’s why I call you little woman,” my dad said in agreement with my mother. “Independent from the first year you were born. I’ve never seen another baby so hell-bent on doing everything for herself. You even tried to change your own diapers.”
“And now I’m boring,” I muttered without thinking, wishing I had one tenth of that fearless little girl inside of me. No one heard me but Jack, who protested with a tender whispered comment. “Not in the slightest.”
My chest stretched at his words, and I couldn’t help the slow smile that crept up on my lips.
Jack was the first to leave, wishing us all a goodnight, completely respectful of our agreement to keep our new relationship private. Still, I saw him hesitate in his goodbye to me, but only briefly as he made his way out of the house. It had been a perfect night. I no longer had to wonder if I’d ever be a kissed woman again, if I’d ever feel the desire to share myself sexually with another man and be able to feel it everywhere.
Jack had ripped off another Band-Aid. And it was painless...until I got home.
I woke the next morning, and per our agreement, went to text Jack only to realize he’d beat me to it.
Jack: Good morning, beautiful.
Rose: Rap & R&B 101 LL Cool J, Mama said Knock You Out. And no need for flattery.
Jack: It’s the truth. I should have told you that last night before I kissed your perfect mouth.
Rose: We were up to our ears in dancing babies. Kind of busy.
Jack: I had fun. I like your family very much. They’re a lot like