catch you later, okay? Have a good day, Effie."
"You too, Jack." The call ended unsuccessfully. The good news? I still had almost an entire rich, buttery croissant left.
The day passed slowly, but that was nothing new. Time never moved at regular speed—and it especially didn't move faster when something questionable lurked at the end of the day. I just wanted to say it and be done with it, to cope with the consequences associated with my decision.
Jack's return call came right before I arrived home, so I stood out front of the apartment building to deliver the potentially fatal blow.
"How was your nap?"
"It was fine. I had the worst dreams though. I was running from something I couldn't see, but it wouldn't stop chasing me. I'm not even sure how I knew it was chasing me. I could feel it, I guess."
"So you were glad to wake up?" I asked.
"Something like that. I'm hungry. Do you want to meet somewhere?" Here we go...
"Jack," I said in my lead in, "I'm worried about all of this. I'm paranoid about my job and Sam and all that."
"It's okay, Effie," he said. "Just relax." His voice was reassuring even though I was trying to distance myself from his wonderful clutches. "Lexy just keeps getting more offers. It's tough. I've never gotten so much attention for a new artist before." He obviously wasn't aware of where I was headed with the conversation.
"I think we should slow down a bit," I said. I was biting my lip as I spoke. "I think we should take a break, at least until the deal is over." I tasted blood. The evening had cooled off significantly from the day, but I felt like I was in an oven. Stress.
He fell silent. My heart started pounding like a locomotive. "Jack?"
"Effie, you know I can't—" He trailed off. "You know it'll be okay."
"Sam is super stressed out. He was talking about his divorce and everything else."
"Sam? Divorced?" he asked suddenly. I didn't pay much attention to it.
I gulped. "I like this so much," I confessed. "I don't want to mess it up. But I want my job, too. I don't like lying to Sam about it."
"Tell him to shut his damn mouth then! You have nothing to do with the deal."
"I've tried, Jack! He won't leave me alone. I feel like somehow he knows." It made me miserable that I was doing this based on hunches alone. But what other options did I have when my boss kept interrogating me every time he felt like it? I couldn't just run away.
Jack started to talk, but then cut himself off. I waited, fully aware that the next move was all his.
"Please, Effie. Why do this now? I can't just rush this process. I mean, you probably have some idea of how much shit goes on behind the scenes in this business." There was an ice-cold desperation in his voice, a sound that was both controlled and chaotic. He was struggling to keep himself together. "Did I do something, Effie? Is it about my ex? What I said the other day? Did I come on too strong?"
"No, no—"
"I'm so sorry," he said. "I told you, I never told anyone that before. I never should have made you—"
"Jack, please. It's fine. I care about you. I needed to hear that." I was being totally honest. "It's nothing you did, I swear. Just my own stupid issues. You have to believe me."
A spell of awkward silence overtook us both. "I can't rush this," he said again, more to himself than to me. I could tell he was having one hell of an internal battle, his pure creative desires versus us. Who would win?
"I understand. You don't need to justify it. I need some time to think."
"Effie, I don't want any games. Please. I meant everything I said. I want you."
God, I wanted to say it back so badly. Just hearing the weakness in his voice brought me back to last Saturday and how he had saved me from Timothy's clutches and broken down in the aftermath. It was so open and exposed, so undeniably human. I wanted that in a man, and Jack was forcing me to realize it.
But I needed to stick to my plan, mostly for my own good. I needed to re-assemble my sanity into something that was functional again, something useable. Maybe I wouldn't be able to take it. Or maybe I would. Maybe it would be months before I