a tube helped her to breathe. The huge cast on her left leg dwarfed her, and part of her hair had been shaved off where they’d operated to relieve the pressure on her brain. And she was pale, so pale. If not for the sign with her name above the bed, I’d never have recognised her. The sight reminded me of my last days with Momma, and I shuddered.
Hours passed as I talked to Tori, starting with stories of our childhood. Those memories of Baysville were my best ones. Then I told her how much the boys missed her, and how Fin broke Robbie’s Lego model this morning and Robbie threw what was left of it at him. Finally, I told her my secrets.
“Nick makes me come alive, Tori. I fall asleep thinking about him, and he’s the first thing on my mind in the morning. I can’t concentrate, and I can’t even breathe when I’m around him. All those years with Billy, and I never felt a flicker of what I feel for Nick now. And the worst of it is, he’s got a girlfriend, even if he wasn’t a hundred miles out of my league.”
Through my monologue, the machines kept up their monotonous beeping, the rhythmic hissing of the ventilator the background music to my words. Tori didn’t stir.
Paul returned as dusk fell, and I took the boys back home. What sort of life was this for them, shuttling back and forth to the hospital morning and evening? They’d begun to look bored, but Nick’s suggestion of going out for burgers cheered them up. Two hours later, he had to carry Fin to the car while I took Robbie’s hand.
“I think we wore them out,” he said as they slept between us on the back seat.
“You’re good with them.”
“I had no idea what to do when Fin wouldn’t let go of the waitress’s skirt.”
“Do you ever want kids?” I blurted, then immediately regretted it.
Nick said so little about himself, and I’d just crossed the line, big time. Would he be angry?
“My lifestyle’s not really compatible with kids. I work too much, and I’d never want to be the kind of father my dad was to me.”
“What about Emmy?”
He looked at me strangely. “What about Emmy?”
“Does she want kids?”
He laughed. “Emmy hasn’t got a maternal bone in her body. She was at the birth of her nephew a few months ago, and it’s the only time I’ve seen her truly panic-stricken.”
“That’s a shame. I think you’d make a great dad.”
Nick went quiet after that, and the next morning, I found the spare blankets folded neatly at one end of the couch with a note propped on top of them.
Lara,
I’ve had to go to Paris. Back in a week or so. Call Nadia if you need anything.
N
I had an awful feeling I’d scared him off.
CHAPTER 29
“SHE’S AWAKE! SHE just opened her eyes.” Jubilation and relief came through loud and clear as Paul more-or-less shouted down the phone line three days later.
“How is she? Is she speaking? Does she...? Does she remember?”
The doctors’ main fear was that Tori would suffer from memory loss after her head injury.
“She told me off for letting Fin eat a lollipop and grumbled because she’d missed her appointment at the hair salon.” His voice dropped. “But I think she was only trying to put a brave face on things.”
“You told her about the baby?”
“She already knew. As soon as she woke up, she knew.”
“I’m so sorry.” Words were always inadequate in these situations.
“We’ll get through it. At least Tori’s going to be okay.”
I shared his relief. For days I’d been dreaming of darkness and death, but that night, I went back to visions of topless Nick relaxing on a lounge chair. I knew which I preferred. And I tried to stay upbeat when I visited Tori in the hospital. She spent two more days in the intensive care unit before they moved her to a regular ward, and she hated every second of it.
“I’m so bored.” She tossed down one of the magazines I’d brought her and stared straight ahead. “There’s nothing to do except think, and I hate that too.”
She’d never been one for sitting around, and doing so only made her more melancholy.
“Do you want me to bring you anything? Books? Something to eat?”
“A book might help. Something juicy. And could you pick up a big bar of Dairy Milk?”
“Of course.”
“Don’t tell Paul about the chocolate, though. I always moan at him for eating