God of Monsters (Juniper Unraveling #4) - Keri Lake Page 0,147
could give them. Why do you stay?”
He stares off, as if contemplating the question, his face twisting in a way that he seems troubled by it.
“I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair of me to ask. After all you’ve--”
“I wish I knew the fancy words to tell you my thoughts, like the ones you read in those books. My words are simple and unimpressive.”
“Tell me. I need to hear them, whatever they are.”
“Inside my head is this … constant noise.” Frowning, he lifts his hand to his temple, as if demonstrating the turmoil. “A commotion of fury and violence that never seems to settle. Unless I’m with you. No matter how turbulent and restless, when there’s rage burning inside of me, you are still. The calm to my chaos.” He brushes his thumb over my eye, focused and concentrated, like he sees something there that isn’t dead and decaying. “The ceaseless light in my world.”
Tears slip down my cheeks as I stare down at this man. This incredible being who has the power to strip me bare, peel back my skin to the blackest, most vulnerable parts, and still make me feel of worth.
As if I have the fortitude and gall to command a god.
“Whatever is left of my heart is yours, Titus. It’s yours, completely.” Reaching down between us, I take hold of him, and his chest kicks out, pressing against my breasts, as he lets out a hiss through his teeth. Beneath the oversized shirt he dressed me in, I slip my panties off one leg. Lifting up my hips enough to tug down his jeans, I spring his cock fully free, dragging the hard flesh along my seam, guiding his tip to that forbidden entrance between my thighs. The single place on my body that not even I can touch without the shame and humiliation that follows.
I dare myself to inch against his prodding erection. To let him impale me without thoughts of Remus and his cruel, unforgiving thrusts. I dare Titus to push me away, as he always does when I traipse this boundary. In spite knowing why he does it, such an act would hurt twice as much now. “Why are you allowing this?” I ask against his lips. “Why aren’t you pushing me away?”
“I already told you. I won’t say no to you.”
“No. You worried too much before, about getting me pregnant. Now you’re silent. Why?”
“That was before the injections. Before the surgery.”
“What surgery?”
“Doctor Levins saved your life. But he ...” The pity written in his expression twists my stomach.
“What?”
“He couldn’t salvage your womb, Thalia. He tried, using some of the techniques they used on the girls at Calico. But the damage was too much. He had to remove it.”
The distortion of his face behind a shield of tears is all that keeps me from breaking. I always knew children weren’t in my cards, but now that fact is as permanent as the scar left behind to remind me every day of my life. If there was even a remote possibility, it’s gone now. Carved right out of me. “Damaged beyond repair, then.”
“No. You survived, and that’s all that matters.”
“Is it?” My voice cracks with the tears in my throat. “All men want children, don’t they? Isn’t that the point?” A sob breaks inside my chest, as Remus’s words come to mind.
Nothing but an empty hole to fuck.
He brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “I can’t speak for all men. All I know is, I want you. Nothing else, but you.”
“And when that isn’t enough?”
The corner of his lips kicks up to a sad smile. “That’s like saying the sun isn’t enough. The air isn’t enough. We don’t think about more. We just breathe and enjoy the warmth.”
A part of me wants to hate him for giving me this sliver of hope. This small measure of happiness, when all the colors have been stripped from my world. When my body has been whittled free of any future. “Why do you have to be so good?”
He thumbs a tear from the corner of my eye. “Why do you have to be so damn beautiful?”
Leaning forward, I press my lips to his, surrendering myself to this vulnerability. To be swept up in his reassurance, even if they’re lies. Even if he changes his mind someday and decides the prospect of children is too important, for now, I’ll take his warmth. I need it.