eyes. “I’m not a vengeful person. We had a few good years. At one time I loved him with everything I had, but no longer. He isn’t part of my life now and I’m fine with that.”
Kacey continued to stare at me. “Sometimes I don’t understand you, Leanne. You should be gloating.”
“Why?”
“Because Sean will never be able to find anyone as wonderful as you.”
I wanted to believe that, but refused to allow myself to dwell on anything having to do with my ex. “I’m not looking for revenge or justification or anything else. I have a new life and I’m just beginning to explore what all that means. I’m happier now than I’ve been in years.”
“You know what they say, don’t you?” Kacey asked, and then answered her own question. “Happiness is the best revenge.”
“I am happy.”
“You need a man in your life, though,” Kacey insisted. “That would really tie Sean’s tail in a knot and piss him off. I don’t think he’d be able to stand it.”
Laughing, I calmly shook my head. “I don’t need a man. In fact, a romantic relationship is at the very bottom of my list of wants. If I’ve learned anything in the last two years it’s that my life now is good exactly as it is.”
“But having a relationship helps.”
“I disagree,” I said, although I didn’t want to argue with my friend. “I’m just learning who I am and what brings me joy,” I explained. Teaching, I discovered, gave me a sense of pride and accomplishment; I looked forward to every class. “Another relationship at this point would cloud my focus.” While married, my life had revolved around Sean; I kept our home, entertained on his behalf, and managed our social calendar. Basically I’d seen to him and the needs of his career to the point that I’d lost my own identity. I found pleasure in discovering the things I enjoyed.
“There are dating sites that specialize in people our age. You should check them out.”
“Why would I?”
“Do you want to be alone the rest of your life?”
I carefully considered the question. “I’m not really alone. I have my son and of course there’s Nichole and Owen, you, and other friends.” Making friends was another benefit I’d recently discovered. While married to Sean I’d avoided close friendships. I hadn’t realized it until recently, and now I understood why. Friends were a risk when I was married.
Eventually, one would feel obligated to tell me about Sean’s affairs. Those who didn’t treated me differently after learning I had an unfaithful husband. They avoided me or were extra-sensitive or sympathetic without saying why. Friendships became awkward and weighty, and so it was best to keep only two or three women I knew were true friends.
Kacey looked so surprised by my lack of interest in a new relationship that the room went silent for several long moments.
“You really mean that, don’t you.” It was a statement and not a question.
“I do,” I assured her.
“You’re not interested in finding someone on the Internet? It’s all the rage, you know.”
“Kacey, not interested.”
“A blind date?”
“No.”
“Not interested?”
“Not interested,” I echoed, amused by how insistent she was. “I’m perfectly happy.”
Kacey grew serious. “You’re not still hung up on Sean, are you?”
“Not at all. I wish him well. I wasn’t able to make him happy, and my hope is that he’ll find a woman who will.”
“You actually want him to be happy after the way he treated you?” Kacey wore a shocked, disbelieving look.
“You mean the way I allowed him to treat me?” I asked. “I could have walked out at any time. I’m the one who turned a blind eye. I’m the one who chose to die a little with every one of his affairs, so no, bottom line: I choose not to hate Sean. If I have any anger, it’s directed at myself. I don’t know why I waited so long to take care of myself emotionally and spiritually.”
Kacey slowly shook her head. “You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”
My face relaxed into a smile. “Thank you, but I don’t know if that’s true. I’m being very selfish with myself right now. Taking care of me, feeding my own soul.”
Kacey studied me as if she didn’t know what to say.
Seeing that we’d both finished our lunches, I stood and carried our plates and bowls to the sink.
“That bread,” Kacey said, repeating herself, “is amazing.”
“It is,” I agreed. “I’ll be happy to give you a loaf.” As it was, my freezer was