bear it any longer and looked up. Rocco didn’t show any emotion one way or another. He didn’t try to argue with me, didn’t ask questions. He seemed completely accepting of my decision. In fact, he said nothing.
The silence between us was terrible. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, not knowing what else to say.
“Basically you’re saying you want to take a break.”
I nodded.
“No.”
“No?” I asked, and blinked.
“We’re done.”
The complete lack of emotion on his part shook me. I was stunned with disbelief. “That’s all you have to say?”
“Did you want me to beg you to reconsider? Is that what you want?” His eyes were hard and cold.
“No,” I whispered, hardly able to get the word out.
“Do you think this surprises me?”
I didn’t know how to answer.
“I have been more or less waiting for you to break it off from the beginning, but especially after last Friday.”
He thought this had to do with what I’d learned about him: his one-woman, one-night policy. That so wasn’t the case, but I couldn’t tell him otherwise.
I fought back the urge to argue, but he apparently didn’t want to hear it anyway.
“You said what you came to say. Now go. Get out of here.”
All I could do was stare at him.
“Leave,” he said, forcefully.
The anger in him caused me to take two steps in retreat.
“Get the hell out of my life,” he blared.
I blinked. “Go,” he demanded. “Just go.”
I walked over to my car and stood there feeling bewildered, bereft, and alone. Five minutes must have passed before I found the strength to open my car door.
A terrible commotion took place behind me. I knew it had to be Rocco. He had remained in the garage. I flinched as I heard something crash. The sound was followed by another and then another. Each discordant crash made me jerk.
As I drove away the sense of loss was nearly overwhelming. Numbness had settled into my bones. I don’t know how I got through the heavy traffic of Portland’s downtown area or even how I managed to drive home. The next thing I knew I was in my parking space at the apartment complex with no memory of how I’d gotten there.
Again I sat in my car for several minutes while the dead feeling in my heart kept me immobile. I hadn’t known what to expect from Rocco, but it hadn’t been that cold, hard resolve of acceptance, as if not seeing me again was of little consequence.
Nichole told me about her meeting with Jake and I had to say I was furious. I should have guessed he was hiding something when I’d talked to him last Sunday. He knew Rocco was no threat to Nichole or Owen. To suggest otherwise was a new low for my son. I needed to cool off before I talked to Jake, but when I did, he was going to hear my opinion loud and clear. I’d done my best to stay out of affairs between the two, but this time I couldn’t keep quiet.
My bigger concern was Nichole. She was heartsick, and frankly, I was worried about her. It was as if she were living in a fog. When she’d first learned about Jake’s infidelity she’d been angry and smart. One of the first things she did was call a college friend who was an attorney. She found out exactly what she needed to do to protect herself financially. I admired how she’d taken control of the situation and how she’d handled herself. I’d witnessed plenty of emotion in her then. She’d been crushed, but she knew how to take care of herself.
Not so now. It was as if she was wandering waist-deep in regret. How she managed to teach and maintain her daily schedule was beyond me. I tried to talk to her several times, but she just stared into the distance. I sincerely doubted she even heard me.
Sean and I had set up a visit to the funeral home on Friday afternoon to make the arrangements for his burial. Apparently, it wasn’t as simple a process as Sean had made it sound. Most likely he didn’t understand everything himself.
Nikolai was still not happy about me doing this, but I promised I’d connect with him as soon as we were finished.
I called him before I headed to Lake Oswego.
“You call as soon you finish, okay?” Nikolai asked.
“I will.”
“You remember you with me now.”
“I remember,” I said, hoping that would be enough to reassure him.
“I wait to breathe till you call.”
I couldn’t