had rushed over to the table with tray in hand. I realized I still hadn’t said anything.
“Jamie just told us she went to homecoming!” I exclaimed brightly.
“Oh. Yeah. She was sorta my date.” Alexis grinned, leaning into Jamie as she sat down. I felt a flare of jealousy, even as the relief that Jamie hadn’t gone with Natalie (at least not formally) rushed through me.
“How?” I said. “I mean, what about…Jacob? Or those other guys?”
“Please,” said Alexis. “Bringing a boy to the dance is so nineties.” She threw her arm around Jamie, and they looked deep into each other’s eyes. Then they cracked up, evidently at some incredible homecoming-related inside joke I hadn’t been there for, and would never be part of. I had a horrible feeling I would be hearing about this dance for the rest of the year, if not the rest of my life. My own Saturday night felt impossibly far behind me, the details increasingly fuzzy and dull.
“I wasn’t going to go, but Alexis played the feminist card, and I couldn’t refuse,” explained Jamie. I wondered if this was for my benefit, but then, why would she think I’d care? (I was of course wondering if Natalie had gone too, maybe with band friends, and who she’d danced with, and if that included Jamie. But that was just curiosity.)
“It’s actually really progressive for a lesbian and a straight girl to go together,” Alexis agreed.
Jamie cocked her head. “Well…”
Alexis gasped excitedly. “Wait. Do you think anyone thinks I’m gay now?”
“No,” the rest of us said. Alexis’s shoulders slumped a little.
“What did you wear?” Ronni asked Jamie. We’d all seen about two thousand pictures of Alexis in her dress weeks earlier, when she’d asked us to vote on her six different options. “Where are the pictures?”
“Don’t tell her—I’m still editing them,” said Alexis, holding her hand out to stop Jamie before she could ruin the surprise. “Anyway, you get way more impact posting on a weekday.”
“Right, of course,” said Ronni. I could hear the slightest sarcasm in her tone, and I knew it was meant for me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. If she saw my eyes, she’d know I wasn’t okay. And I worried that if she knew I wasn’t okay, she’d be disappointed in me, for not being tougher, for taking everything so personally.
“A lot of people were there with friends, actually,” said Alexis. “You guys should have come.”
Ronni shrugged, and I knew this was my chance, the clearest opening I was going to get. Like Natalie Reid? I wanted to say. But I couldn’t let Jamie have that. I would have to find out later. Instead I had to take control. I had that weird, out-of-body feeling I sometimes got when I was about to say something I was scared to say, like the only way to get to the other side of it was to make my mouth say the words, even though the rest of me was somewhere else.
“I went to a party with Ruby,” said my mouth.
Alexis smacked her hands against the table, making us all jump.
“Alexis, please,” said Ronni. I’d told her everything on Sunday at the tournament, of course, so this was old news to her. I took a risk and glanced at Jamie. She was staring right at me, and I looked away.
“What happened? Whose party? David’s? Was it amazing? I’ve never been. I was invited last year one time, but then I got food poisoning, remember? I honestly wanted to die. I almost went anyway but then I threw up in my garage,” said Alexis.
I remembered that day perfectly, because Jamie and I had been together when Alexis had called, crying, post-vomit. Jamie had switched it over to FaceTime so we could both talk her down, and at the sight of her pale, sweaty, mascara-streaked face, we’d accidentally burst out laughing and couldn’t stop. Alexis hung up on us and, eight seconds later, called us back, laughing too.
“I remember,” I said. “I wish you could have been there.”
Alexis smiled