night.”
Indifference glosses over his features. “I was with her, but I didn’t—Nine!”
I walk away, my bare, hidden feet slapping the cold tiles. An Unfortunate brought me a pair of shoes to wear specifically with this dress, but I tried them on and I almost broke my neck. I don’t like wearing shoes and I don’t think that will ever change. My feet have endured eighteen years of wear and tear. The bottoms of my feet are stronger than the sole of any boot or heel.
Kade snatches my wrist and pulls hard. I zip toward him, managing to press my hand against his chest, stopping myself from slamming into his body.
“Why are you mad? I didn’t do anything.”
“I’m not mad. I’m…” Is there even a word for it? Okay, so I am angry at him. I’m angry at Elizabeth too, and I’m angry at myself. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to fight them and you.”
Somehow maintaining their fierceness, his eyes soften around the edges. “So stop fighting me. We’re on the same team. I want what you want.”
I slump my shoulders. That’s where he’s wrong. See, Oliver told me exactly what Kaden needs. He needs a wife and an heir before Vince turns twenty-five. If Vince beats him to it, Kade will lose his position as the head of the house. Our wants and needs don’t align. Kade wants a family, but I want war. I thought about it all night. Wars change our course, right? For better, or for worse, they change the way we live. I know the last war destroyed humanity, but the purpose of my war is to save what’s left. Which leaves me with my question, does Kade want a war? Or does he want me to bear a child who will murder and rape in the name of society? A child that will grow up with Vincent Sario as its uncle. There’s only one way to find out.
“Do you want children?” I ask and Kaden flinches, his brows pulling together.
“Where did that come from?”
My pulse pounds in my ears, pushing me toward a headache. “I just want to know where our mutual interests lie.”
He sighs. “Yes. I’ve recently decided I would like to have children.”
More like he recently found out that he needs to have children.
“How many?”
“A handful,” he says with a shrug. “Four or five.”
“And you’d raise them here? In this world?”
Kade cocks an eyebrow. “Where else would I raise them?”
I deflate and my heart weeps. Is this the pivotal moment when a lover becomes an enemy? The moment when I have to choose between what’s right and what’s right for me?
“You don’t want what I want,” I tell him and a lump forms in my throat.
The trembling starts in my fingers, vibrating its way up my arms. I’m not equipped to be a wife or a mother. I don’t know how.
“You don’t want children?”
I shake my head.
“Nine, it’s imperative that I have children before—”
“I want war,” I hiss in an angry whisper.
Blood drains from his handsome face. “What did you say?”
“I want to wage a war. With you…or against you.”
Oliver told me not to tell Kade about the phase he calls “The Secret Ribbon,” but I trust Kade wholeheartedly. He would never betray me. He’s the only person I trust to take a secret as important as this to his grave. The least I can do is trust him. He trusts me with the secret of his father’s murder, after all.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I do.”
“We don’t need a war, Nine,” he whispers. “We can be together now. We can be happy.”
I lean in. “You can be happy. So we get married, I pop out a bunch of spoiled Fortunates, and you get to keep your house.” I swallow the lump down. “Then what? What about me? I can’t have that life. I will wither away, disintegrate into an empty shell. I will hate you, my children, myself, and the rest of society before taking my own life.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
My stomach clenches. Dramatic? Of course I’m being dramatic. These are dramatic times.
“I know it will happen. It’s almost like I’ve seen it—like I’ve already lived it.” Anxiously, I scratch my cheek. “Don’t make me live that life, Kaden. I die miserable and alone in that life.”
“You think the outcome will be different if you go to war? You’ll die there too. Sooner than you would living as a Fortunate with me.”
“Maybe so, but at least I’ll die