love. She reviewed the several boyfriends she’d had over the years. All of them considerably younger than her. She’d told herself that those type of men were easier, more fun, less complicated, that they wanted little from her, an assumption that had been mostly correct. None of them had been what you might call long term. She realized with sudden clarity that she had become bored with them after only a few months. Had used the excuse of new jobs and new countries to avoid anything deeper, anything that might smack of commitment, might tie her down.
She checked her phone again, still looking for a response that wasn’t there, sent another message and continued to pace. After another five minutes and no reply, she decided to go upstairs and see if Jonah was in his room.
He opened the door at her insistent banging. Hair sticking up all over the place. Shirtless. Sleep in the corner of one eye.
She felt a storm of butterflies drum in her belly.
“Dinner?” she said, swallowing. Her mouth felt like the aftermath of a sandstorm.
“Oh yeah. Dinner,” he said groggily. “Sure. What time is it?”
“Quarter past.”
“Quarter past what?”
“Seven,” she said, mild exasperation cutting through the mesmerizing effect of his broad torso, the lean, sculpted planes of which were only centimeters away from her. She took a step back, trying to gain perspective. “Don’t tell me you’ve been asleep all afternoon.”
He grinned sheepishly. “Guess I have. Give me five minutes and I’ll be right with you.”
* * *
At dinner, Rachel found herself unaccountably shy. Was it merely the effect of seeing him seminaked, vulnerable? Or was it as a result of their almost-argument in the car that afternoon?
They’d opted for the Indian restaurant, and while she struggled to decide what to order she was aware of him watching her.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
She nodded.
“I hope you’re not going to be disappointed, Rachel.”
She looked up from the menu with a bright smile that felt forced. “I won’t be. However, I can’t decide between the dhal and the dhansak.”
“Always difficult,” he said dryly. “Why don’t we get both?”
“Oh, okay, sure.” She closed the menu and took a sip of the beer that had been placed in front of her, noticing that Jonah looked as though he was steeling himself to say something.
Sure enough, he was.
“I don’t know if this will come as a surprise to you or not, but I like you, Rachel. More than like you actually.” He looked at her, then down at the tablecloth, straightening the cutlery, fidgeting. “I’ve been trying to back off, to get to know you, for you to get to know me . . . to let something happen gradually. But now I’m not sure if I’ve been wrong about you. Seen what I wanted to see and not what was actually there.”
Rachel didn’t know what to say. She tried to speak, but no words came.
“At some point you have to make the choice. Leave the shore and strike out for the unknown,” he continued. “Otherwise you’re only half alive. And believe me, I’ve seen what half alive looks like.” Rachel glanced at him from under her lashes, frightened of what she might encounter if she looked him full in the eye, what might be reflected back at her. He was so earnest, more serious than she’d ever seen him.
“And who wants that, hey?” she said, trying to lighten the atmosphere between them.
“Don’t be afraid, Rachel.” Anyone else would have chastised her, or given up. Instead, the way he said her name was more a caress, and it sent a shiver through her.
He wouldn’t accept anything halfhearted. As she raised her eyes to meet his, she felt something shift.
Intimacy. The word was no longer terrifying. Instead it felt as though it might possibly be quite beautiful.
Just as she was about to tell him that maybe she could, that she did feel something for him, their food arrived and he broke his gaze.
As they ate, he changed the subject and the moment was lost.
* * *
“We’ve got a long day tomorrow, I’ll see you in the morning,” Jonah said, as they returned to the bed and breakfast after dinner.
“Yes,” Rachel agreed, unsure how to gauge his mood. “Good night then. Sleep tight.”
He gave her a half smile and opened the door to his room, but then hesitated, stepped backward and turned toward her. Time stood still and she held her breath, not knowing what he was going to say or do.
He obviously thought better