with Paul in Minnesota.”
“Not that he was in Canada with a death wish, and that Paul bit him there to keep Beck from killing himself?” Cole asked.
“He told you that because that was what you needed to hear,” Sam said.
“And he told you the story about hiking and about Paul being already here in Minnesota because it was what you needed to hear,” Cole said. “Tell me how Wyoming fits into this, because he didn’t tell either of us about that. He didn’t come from Canada to Mercy Falls when he discovered there were already wolves here, any more than he was bitten while he was out hiking. He simplified the story so he wouldn’t look bad to you. He simplified it for me because he didn’t think it was relevant for convincing me. Don’t tell me you haven’t doubted him, Sam, because it’s not possible. The man arranged for you to be infected and then adopted you. You had to have thought about it.”
My heart hurt for Sam, but he didn’t look down or away. His face was completely blank. “I’ve thought about it.”
“And what is it that you’re thinking?” Cole asked.
Sam said, “I don’t know.”
“You must be thinking something.”
“I don’t know.”
Cole stood up and took the step to stand right next to Sam, and the sheer force of the way he did was intimidating, somehow. “Don’t you want to ask him about it?”
Sam, to his credit, didn’t look intimidated. “That’s not really an option.”
Cole said, “What if it was? What if you could have him for fifteen minutes? I can find him. I can find him and I have something that should force him to shift. Not for long. But long enough to talk. I have to say I have some questions for him, too.”
Sam frowned. “Do what you want with your own body, but I’m not going to mess with someone who can’t give me his consent.”
Cole’s expression was deeply aggrieved. “It’s adrenaline, not prom sex.”
Sam’s voice was stiff. “I am not going to risk killing Beck just to ask him why he didn’t tell me he lived in Wyoming.”
It was the obvious answer, the one that Cole had to know that Sam would give. But Cole had that small, hard smile on his face again, barely there. “If we caught Beck and I made him human,” he said, “I might be able to start him back over, like Grace. Would you risk his life for that?”
Sam didn’t answer.
“Tell me yes,” Cole said. “Tell me to find him, and I will.”
And this, I thought, was why Sam and Cole could not get along. Because when it came down to it, Cole made bad decisions for good reasons, and Sam couldn’t justify that. Now, Cole dangled this tempting thing in front of Sam, this thing he wanted more than anything, along with the thing that he wanted the least. I wasn’t sure which answer I wanted him to give.
I saw Sam swallow. Turning to me, he said softly, “What do I say?”
I didn’t know what to tell him that he didn’t already know. I crossed my arms. I could think of a thousand reasons for and against, but all of them started and ended with the wanting I saw on Sam’s face now. “You have to be able to live with yourself,” I told him.
Cole said, “He’ll die out there anyway, Sam.”
Sam turned away from both of us, his hands linked behind his head. He stared at the rows and rows of Beck’s books.
Not looking at either of us, he said, “Fine. Yes. Find him.”
I met Cole’s eyes and I held them.
Upstairs, the teakettle began to scream, and Sam wordlessly bounded up the stairs to silence it — a glad excuse, I thought, to leave the room. My stomach had an uncertain lump in it at the thought of trying to prompt Beck to shift. I’d forgotten too easily how much we risked every time we tried to learn more about ourselves.
“Cole,” I said, “Beck means everything to him. This isn’t a game. Don’t do anything you aren’t sure of, okay?”
“I’m always sure of what I do,” he said. “Sometimes I was just never sure there was supposed to be a happy ending.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
• GRACE •
That first day back as me was odd. I couldn’t settle without my clothing and my routine, knowing that the wolf that was me was still lurching around unpredictably inside my limbs. In a way, I was glad for the uncertainty of being