love you because you were a great football player and a straight-A student. I couldn’t care less about any of that. At the end of the day, all that matters is what is in here.” She places her hand flat on my chest, above my heart. “In here, you are everything. Maybe not perfect, but perfect for me.”
Tears stream down her face as she continues to hold her hand against my chest. “Only you can love me the way I need. Only you were put on this earth with the ability to give me a lifetime of pure happiness. You are everything to me—not because of your perfections, but in spite of them. I love you for everything you are and everything you’re not. I love you for all your mistakes and all your triumphs. I love you in all your brokenness and in all the ways that you complete me. I love you because the kind of love we have is forever. It’s rare, Jax. Not everyone gets to experience such a love, yet we have it.”
I stare down to her. My heart is hammering in my chest below her hand.
Her eyes shine with tears as she continues, “You would love me regardless of anything. No matter what flaws I possess, you would love me. But you won’t let me love you for you. Don’t you get it? I just want you. I just want you,” she repeats her final words, a plea of such desperation.
Her words do something to me, and during this space in time, I forget about everything but my love for her.
God, I love her.
I cradle her face between my hands, staring into her eyes for a beat, before I crash my lips against hers, taking her in a soul-devouring kiss. I take what’s mine, what I want, what I’ve always wanted.
She moans into my mouth as our tongues unite in this familiar dance, twisting together in a perfect rhythm. As I kiss her, her lips send me spiraling into a cloud of desire and lust. My lips are relentless as they take what they’ve wanted for so long. In my whole life, no one has made me feel like this from a kiss. No one has ever had the effect on me that Lily does. My body craves her, desires her, needs her.
Right now, the feeling overwhelming all my senses is the primal necessity to take Lily, to feel that connection that only she can provide.
It’s only ever been her. It will only ever be her.
My hands move against her warm skin, and my lips remain on hers as I lay her down in the grass. My hands roam over her skin, cherishing every inch that they’ve desperately needed for so long.
In a flurry of movements, we are both void of our clothes, our bodies bare against one another. I thread my fingers through hers and grasp her hands above her head. We stare into each other’s eyes, our connection never wavering, as I enter her with a deep moan.
I begin a relentless rhythm of unrivaled pleasure.
“Jax, Jax, Jax,” she chants my name into the warm night air.
Our bodies slide against each other. I bury my face in the crook of her neck, feeling her damp skin and inhaling the scent that is solely Lily.
We lose ourselves in the connection until we are both groaning and shaking from our release. Lily’s body tightens around me, taking everything I have to give. Still connected, I fall on top of her as we both recover, inhaling deeply.
“I love you, Jax.” Her eyes are hooded, her hair tousled and sexy against the ground.
Lily’s words cause immense joy to expand in my chest.
“I love you more.”
Lily’s blue-eyed gaze roams over me, a small smile lighting up her eyes. My heart twists with the love I feel for her.
But as I stare into her blue depths, I remember the state of my life and my all-too-familiar friend, guilt, comes back to taunt me. Every happy and sated feeling is replaced once again with remorse.
How can I move on? Rationally, I know it’s okay. It’s the next step. But the devastation of Stella’s death still disturbs me with a raw intensity. Her death remains so fresh in my mind, like it happened yesterday, weighing me down with its despair. I don’t want to be like this, but I can’t seem to stop myself.
Lily’s eyes widen in response to whatever she sees on my face. “Don’t, Jax. Please don’t do this,”