It’s never been a choice when it comes to Lily. She has always been everything I’ve ever wanted.
Throughout our lives, she’s always given me exactly what I’ve needed. When we were young and I needed a buddy, she became the best bud a boy could ask for. As I was growing up and needed a confidant to talk out my problems with, she was the most wonderful friend. When our attraction intensified and our love for one another moved beyond friendship, she was the perfect girlfriend. It’s odd to think that regardless of what I’ve needed, she’s been the answer. She’s always been the answer.
I want her. God, I want her. I’m so afraid that she’s finding her new version of Trenton back in New York. Some douche with a giant ego and more love for himself than he could possibly give to another is going to sweep her off her feet. He won’t be worthy of her, and he won’t love her in the way that she deserves. And maybe the next time she dates someone will be the last time. She could move on and marry him.
No one will ever love her like I do. No one. She is my other half. We were born into this world as soul mates, destined for one another. Of that, I am certain. What I don’t know is how to go forward. I find myself in this strange place in time where I’m stuck between the life I want and the life I’ve been given. I’m not sure how to move on and live a life that’s free of remorse.
Lily must feel my stare on her because she turns. Her smile vanishes when she sees me, and a look of shock registers. She recovers quickly, and her grin returns as she stands. We meet halfway, and I pull her into a hug. Her skin is warm and soft under my touch.
“Happy birthday, Little Love.”
She doesn’t respond immediately as we continue to stand in this embrace.
“You came,” she says finally, her voice breaking.
Still holding my hands around her waist, I lean my head back, so I can get a clear view of her face. Her eyes shine with tears, and I see the hurt that resides there.
“I’m so sorry.” I pull her back toward me and hold her against my chest. “I’m so sorry, Lil.”
“No, you have no reason to be sorry. I’m just so glad you came. I’ve missed you so much.” She sniffs.
“Of course I came. I could never miss my Little’s twenty-fourth birthday, could I?”
“Thank you,” she says before standing on her toes and kissing my cheek. “It’s the best birthday present ever.”
I’m holding my glass of iced tea and looking around the deck at our family. Landon and Amy are sitting on a bench off to the side, laughing about something. Our parents are across from each other, and our mothers are in a vivid conversation. Lily, Keeley, and I are lying side by side on the deck chairs under large pool umbrellas.
Keeley is going on about some guy she met on campus. A smile spreads across Lily’s face as she listens to her sister. I want to cherish this moment of normalcy. It has been so long since I’ve had one, and it’s truly a powerful experience. I forgot how great it feels.
Keeley’s very lengthy story is interrupted when Miranda calls that it is time for cake.
Miranda places an angel food cake that is covered with whipped cream and strawberries on the patio table. A handful of long, thin candles set in a circle around the perimeter of the cake are lit.
We all make our way around the cake and sing “Happy Birthday” to a smiling Lily.
“Make a wish!” Amy shouts.
Lily closes her eyes, nodding slightly, as she recites her wish in her head before opening them and blowing out the candles.
We all have a slice of Lily’s birthday cake, and our mothers start to clear the table.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” I ask.
“Sure.” Lily slides on her flip-flops and starts toward the backyard.
Over her swimsuit, she’s wearing a cover-up that falls several inches above her knees. That piece of fabric is one of the sexiest things.
We head toward our tree, both of us instinctually knowing where we will end up. The grass under the tree is longer than I ever remember seeing it.
“Look.” Lily points to our spot. “There are no signs of us here anymore. It’s been so long.”