the most of the time we have here.” She gives me a wistful smile.
“Absolutely,” I agree. “Cheers.”
“So, you’d choose having six toes over a giant mole on your face?” Lily clarifies.
We’re sitting on the floor of my living room, our backs against the sofa, both staring off into the fireplace with nonexistent flames. I’m too tired to stand up and turn on the switch that lights up the fake logs.
“Yep.”
“But it’s just a mole. A sixth toe is disgusting.”
“A giant mole is disgusting. You said it was huge. I’m picturing a quarter-sized blob of gross on my face, Lil. At least I can wear shoes and cover up my extra toe.”
“True. But you could just get the mole removed.”
“Don’t they usually grow back?”
“I’m not sure. I don’t think so.”
“I believe they can. So, I’m going to stick with the extra toe. Isn’t there an old saying, You can never have too many toes?” I ask.
Lily laughs, the sound causing my lips to turn up into a grin.
“Um, no. That is definitely not a saying.” She playfully smacks my leg. “Okay, your turn.”
I bring my outstretched legs up, bending them so that I can rest my elbows against my knees. “Okay, would you rather travel around with a circus as a lion tamer or go on tour with a group of ice dancers?”
“Circus,” she answers quickly.
“With a lion?” I enunciate the last word to remind her that we’re talking about a powerful animal with lots of teeth.
“First, you know I suck at ice-skating. There is no way I could make it as an ice dancer. And lions are beautiful. I’m sure we’d come to an agreement. They would know that I’m a sweet person, and they wouldn’t want to eat me.”
“Exactly. They would smell your sweetness from a mile away and pounce on you the second they got the chance.”
“Nope. They’re just big kittens. I would just pet them and talk all nice. We’d be good. They wouldn’t hurt me.”
“Well, I’m glad you have confidence in your lion-taming skills.” I chuckle.
“I do. Thanks. So…” Lily is quiet for a moment, thinking. “Would you rather swim with dolphins or go on an African safari?”
I press the heel of my hand against my chest, attempting to soothe the pain there. “The last trip we took was to Hawaii. Stella and I swam with the dolphins at a park there.” My voice is soft as my mind remembers that wonderful trip.
“Oh, Jax. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” Lily rests her hand on my thigh and squeezes gently, offering me support.
“It’s okay. You didn’t know. It just—” I break off, trying to wrap my brain around the words that I want to say. “God, Lil. It sucks. This sucks.” The surge of tears that has been threatening to escape all day falls freely. The weight of the day’s events finally pushes them out.
“I’m so sorry, Jax.” Her voice breaks as tears roll down her cheeks. “Come here.” She wraps her arms around me, pulling me into a sideways hug.
I lean my head against her shoulder.
Lily’s hand rhythmically rubs against my arm. We stay this way for a long time until my lids start to get heavy. No words are spoken, but the calm that she brings lightens the pressure on my chest.
“I think I’m going to head to bed,” I say finally.
“All right, let’s go.”
We stand and make our way into my bedroom. I take off my clothes, except for my boxers. I throw a glance at Lily and take in her shattered dress.
“Here.” I grab a T-shirt and boxers from my dresser and toss them to her. Leaving to change, I enter the bathroom and brush my teeth.
Coming out of the bathroom, Lily stands in the middle of my room. She’s nervous. It’s evident in her posture. I’ll admit, having her here is different, and I’m not entirely sure how to process that yet. But right now, I’m too exhausted to try.
“There are some spare toothbrushes in the second drawer to the right of the sink, if you want one,” I offer.
“Oh, that would be perfect. Thanks.” She walks toward the bathroom.
I pull back my comforter and crawl under the blankets, wrapping them tightly around my body. Lily exits the bathroom and comes to the side of the bed. She runs her fingers lightly through my hair, a serious look crosses her face. I can’t be certain, but if I had to guess, I’d say it’s a mix between sorrow and longing.