about now. I can’t focus on steps anymore.” I huff out a laugh.
“Okay, just dance with me then.”
“That I can do.”
She drapes her arms around my neck as I spread my hands across the small of her back, pulling her to me.
She leans her head against my chest. “This feels good,” she says lazily. “I miss dancing with you.”
I close my eyes and press my lips to her hair. “Me, too,” I whisper against her soft locks.
I know I shouldn’t feel this good. I should be mourning. I should be depressed, feeling nothing but despair at the loss of my wife. I put it off to the alcohol and the peaceful calm that Lily brings me.
Just for tonight, I’ll allow myself this respite from the sadness. I’ll allow myself to breathe and feel the joy in life instead of the heartache that has been weighing me down for so long.
“I’m so sorry, Jax. I didn’t really get a chance to tell you that earlier, but I’m truly very sorry.”
I exhale. “Yeah. Me, too.”
“Life is crazy sometimes, isn’t it?”
“It really is.”
We embrace each other and dance to our own beat. It feels so good to hold Lily in my arms. She brings such a sense of comfort, safeness, home, and peace. Having her in my arms and feeling her body move slowly against mine is helping me more than she will ever know. I know it shouldn’t be, but the truth is that it is. I have been in such a state of darkness the past few days, truly the past month since Stella started getting really sick. Lily has always been my light, and I need her now more than ever.
“I’m hungry,” she blurts out.
“Me, too,” I agree, chuckling.
She pulls back, so she can look me in the eyes. “So, should we do Denny’s or refrigerator exploration?”
I press my lips together, thinking. “You know what? Let’s go back to my place. My refrigerator is full of food. Everyone in a twenty-mile radius has dropped off food this week. This might be the most epic refrigerator exploration in history.”
She smiles. “Sounds like a plan.”
I’m nervous to step foot in my house. I’ve had such a good time tonight, and I’m terrified of my mind going back to where it was this morning. I expect a deep sadness to hit me when we enter the house, but it doesn’t.
Lily is joking and laughing about something. I honestly don’t even know what she’s going on about. I’m too focused on watching her. I’ve always loved the way she laughs. Her whole face beams with joy.
“Sit here.” She pats one of the stools at the kitchen island.
I take a seat and rest my elbows on the cool granite. Leaning on my hands, I watch her slim frame disappear behind my refrigerator door.
“So, first things first,” she says, handing me a bottle of beer.
I open it. Tilting my head back, I let the cold liquid pour down my throat.
“Now, let’s see.” She starts unloading casserole dishes of food onto the counter and removes their lids. She hands me a plate and a fork. “Okay. It looks like chicken enchiladas. Oh, nice.” She nods her head in approval. She’s always loved anything resembling Mexican food. “Lasagna, baked chicken, some sort of…” She pokes around in the dish. “I guess we’ll call this one mystery pasta.”
She scrunches her lips together, and I laugh.
“Then, we have another lasagna and another lasagna and…wait for it.” She pauses for dramatic effect. “One more lasagna.”
“So, lasagna’s a definite option,” I deadpan.
“Indeed it is. In fact, lasagna might be a viable option for the next three to four weeks, barring any mold uprisings.”
I throw my head back and laugh. It feels so good. I return my gaze to Lily. “I love you,” I say through a grin.
She stops poking around in one of the lasagnas, and her head shoots up, her gaze catching mine. Uncertainty dances in her eyes before she throws a smile on her face. “What’ll it be, mister?”
“Well, I think I’m going to pass on the lasagna and go with the enchiladas, and because I’m feeling crazy, I’ll also have a spoonful of the mystery dish.”
Lily warms our food up in the microwave and gets us each another beer out of the fridge. “Let’s do a toast.”
She holds up her beer bottle, and I hold mine against hers.
“To Stella,” she says, a sad smile gracing her face.