I expel a breath. “I don’t know, Little. I buried my wife today. I’m not sure how to even process that.”
She nods. “I know. I’m so sorry, Jax.” She runs her hand across my forehead into my hair. It is a comforting gesture, something almost motherly about it. “I’m going to crash on the couch, if that’s okay.”
“No, sleep in the guest bedroom. The bed’s all made up.”
“Okay,” she says before retreating. When she gets to the bedroom entry, she turns. “Everything’s going to be okay,” she says with a sad smile.
She shuts off the bedroom light, but before she exits, I call, “Oh, Lil?”
“Yeah?” She turns back to face me.
“I’d choose the African safari.”
“What do you want to do today?” Lily calls from the kitchen where she’s attempting to make us omelets from the four eggs, quarter bag of shredded cheese, and a can of mushrooms.
Besides all the dinners that were dropped off by friends and family, I have limited food. I haven’t been to a grocery store in quite some time. Stella wasn’t a big eater toward the end, and most of our food came from takeout.
I lounge on the sofa, my legs spread out across the leather cushions. Lily pops her head around the wall to wait for my answer.
“Nothing really,” I answer honestly.
“So, you just want to stay here?”
“Yeah.” I nod.
“Do you want me to give you time to yourself? Do you want me to go?”
Do I?
Having Lily here is actually very comforting. She’s really the only person that I want here. Just her presence alone brings me a fraction of joy on this otherwise bleak day.
“No, stay.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
She smiles before popping her head back into the kitchen. The sounds of the cupboards and drawers opening and closing echo through the open space.
Then, Lily is walking toward me with two plates in her hands.
She hands me one. “I did what I could. It’s not going to be the best breakfast you’ve ever had.” Her lips form a quirky grin as she sits on the couch down by my feet.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine. Thank you.”
“I suggest we order delivery for the rest of our meals from here on out.” She takes a bite of egg.
“Agreed.”
“Unless you want to do some more refrigerator exploration. There are about ten pans of lasagna calling your name.”
I huff out a dry laugh. “Definitely pass on that one.” I don’t know if I’ll ever want to eat lasagna again, let alone in the near future.
“Don’t blame you there. After we eat, do you want to go get our cars and bring them back?”
“No,” I answer.
“Okay. I’ll call the restaurant and let them know that we’re going to leave them there for a while and not to tow them,” she says.
I nod. “Hey, Lil. Remember that game we used to play as kids where we would pretend that your bed was our ship and we were lost at sea?”
Lily chuckles. “Of course I do. I remember we’d stay on our ship the entire day. We ate there, played games, talked. It was so fun.”
“Exactly. We couldn’t get off our ship because everything surrounding the bed was ocean, and there was nowhere to go.”
“Oh my gosh. Remember that one time we were ‘stranded.’” Lily does air quotes with her fingers on the last word. “And we recited the entire Little Mermaid movie, songs and all, from start to finish two times.”
The memory makes me laugh. “Yes. I still know every word of that damn song the chef sings when he’s cooking the fish, ‘Les Poissons.’”
“Me too. It’s a classic. What about ‘Poor Unfortunate Souls’?”
“Oh God. Yep, know all the words to that one, too.”
Lily giggles. “Good times.”
“Well, let’s say that this house is our ship, and outside is the ocean. I just want to hole up in here and not even think about the outside world. Maybe I’m being dumb, but here with you, I feel good. I know the second I go out, I’m going to be hit with reality, and I’m not ready yet. The past few months have been hard, and just for a few days, I want to pretend. I want to hang out in my ship with my best friend and forget for a while.”
Lily places her hand on my ankle and gives me a wistful grin. “You’re not dumb. If you want to be locked up in here, stranded on a ship, then you have every right to be—on one condition.”