well until she is standing against her car. “I should go.” She nods reassuringly.
“I’m sorry, Lil.”
“There are so many reasons to be sorry in this world, Jax, but loving another with everything you have will never be one.”
“But you’re the one,” I whisper.
“What?” She tilts her head to the side in question.
“You’re the one I love with everything I have. It’s you.” The words escape my mouth before I can stop them, and I want to stop them because they’re so wrong…yet they’re not.
Lily gasps, raising her hands up to cover her mouth, as the tears begin to flood from her eyes once more. She slowly shakes her head back and forth. Dropping her hands, her voice quivers as she says, “You can’t say that, Jax. You married Stella.”
My head drops to my chest, and my fingers pull through my hair with frustration before my desperate stare meets Lily once more. “I know that. God, I know that. But I can’t handle seeing you like this. I’ve all but ignored you today because everything in me wants to run to you. I love you now more than ever, and I can’t have you. Do you know what that’s like?”
“Yeah, I do.” The look in her eyes says it all, and if there is anyone on this earth who knows what I’m feeling, it is the beautiful woman before me.
The look in Lily’s stare changes, and her lips press into a line before she speaks, “You married another woman today, Jax. You no longer have the right to say things like this to me.”
I nod. “I know. I’m sorry. I just want you to understand. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It’s a little late for that, Jax. Don’t you think? Marriage is forever.”
“Not all marriages,” I say quietly. My heart hurts for another woman now, and the ramifications of what that statement means to her.
Lily’s gaze penetrates me to my core as she studies me with an expression that reeks of pity and disappointment.
She walks forward and runs her hand across my cheek, cupping my jaw in her palm. “I’m so happy for you and Stella, and I wish you nothing but joy in this life. Truly.” She pauses, her eyes locked with mine.
I see a war waging in their depths, and I know there is so much more she wants to say.
But all she says is, “You should probably go back to your wife now.” With that, she drops her hand and climbs into her car.
I stand with my hands in my tux pockets and watch as Lily drives out of my life. As her taillights disappear in the distance, I allow myself one minute of pity, one minute to feel sorry for myself. Then, I shake the thoughts out of my head. I’m ashamed for feeling them in the first place. In the game of life, there are much shittier hands than the one I’ve been dealt.
Lily
“Stop obsessing over the photos!” Charlie yells from the door of my bedroom.
I want to ignore her, but it’s difficult because my small bedroom doesn’t give me the luxury of space. Though she stands at the entrance to my room, she’s only a foot away from my bed where I’m sitting with my laptop, going over Jax and Stella’s wedding photos for the hundredth time.
“I know. I just want to make sure they’re perfect.”
“They are. They have been since you edited them the first time three weeks ago. Enough. Save whatever you have. Upload them, and send the file to Stella. Done.” She swipes her hands together in the classic all-done movement.
“Okay. Okay. Jeez.”
I go to click out of the file, and I realize that I’m staring at a picture of Jax—without Stella. He’s staring off into the distance with the most serene expression on his face. His lips are turned up into a grin, and overall, he just looks so damn content. He’s drop-dead gorgeous, too. This picture breaks me every time. I remember capturing this shot. This was his face as he watched Stella walking down the aisle.
I don’t know what I expected. Obviously, he loves her because he married her. But I can’t get over the way in which he loves her. He adores her. It is evident in the way he looks at her.
And it hurts so much.
I’m being selfish. I should be thrilled that Jax has found someone who puts that smile on his face. As his friend, I should want that for him. And I do, somewhere