deep down. But I can’t find that joy for him because I can’t seem to break through the pain that has been living on the surface since he told me he was engaged.
Then, there is the random declaration of love in the parking lot of the reception hall, which I still can’t make heads or tails of. It was like he was talking to me in code, trying to tell me something that I wasn’t getting. And I felt it then—his love for me. I’d know that feeling anywhere. It was there, and it was real. But then why did he marry her? Jax isn’t one to go into a commitment lightly. I felt like he was telling me to wait for him, that his marriage wouldn’t last forever. But that can’t be right. It doesn’t make sense.
Maybe he was just confused. I was upset, and he hurt for me because a part of him still loves me. I know it’s possible to love more than one person at a time. I didn’t stop loving Jax because I was dating Trenton. I think if you truly love someone, a part of you will always love that person. That has to be it.
“Damn it, Lil. Snap out of it.”
I feel my laptop being yanked from my lap.
“Hey!” I protest.
“It’s six o’clock. The guys are going to be here in an hour, and you haven’t even showered yet. Send the damn file, and be done.”
“Okay, I will, but I need my computer back.” I gesture to my laptop.
“Promise?” she questions.
“I promise. I’m going to upload the file and email it right now. It will take a few minutes, and then I’ll jump in the shower.”
I hold out my pinkie, and she takes it in hers. Our smallest fingers grasp in an unbreakable vow.
“Okay, well, since you pinkie-promised, here you go.” She hands me back my computer. “One hour,” she threatens.
“Got it,” I acknowledge as she steps out of my room.
I send an email to Stella, making sure to put extra smiley faces in my message in an attempt to convince her that I’m over-the-top happy for her and Jax. I double-check that nothing in the message might hint to the fact that looking at these pictures daily for the past three weeks has caused me an immense amount of heartache.
Nope, nothing but happiness and positivity here.
I close my laptop and groan internally as I think about the night ahead. On a positive note, I get to see Jerome. He and I have actually become even better friends. He plays for the New York Giants, so having him close has been wonderful. I’ve always adored Jerome. He’s become my comfort item—my little piece of Jax and home that I get to have with me here in my new life.
The downside is that we’re going out for dinner and drinks with one of his teammates, Rob, who I know has a thing for me. He’s made it clear the last few times we’ve hung out. Rob is a great guy, and truthfully, he’s very good-looking.
Seeing as the guy that I’m currently pining over has recently gotten married, I would say that it is officially time for me to move on. Okay, so a hot-ass football player wants to date me. I guess I could have worse problems.
“So, how was it?” Jerome asks as we wait by the bar for our drinks.
At a nearby table, Rob and Charlie are stalking a couple who look like they’re about to leave. Charlie is ruthless in securing tables, but in this city, one has to be. It beats standing all night.
“It was beautiful. The perfect wedding,” I say cheerfully.
“That bad?” He quirks an eyebrow.
“The worst.”
“I’m sorry, baby girl.” He pulls me into a hug.
I rest my head on his chest and sigh.
Leaning back to look at him, I say, “I wish you and Josh had been there. Then again, I guess it wouldn’t have mattered, for my sake anyway. I was behind my camera the entire time. Come to think of it, I didn’t even say more than five words to my family.”
“Yeah, I feel bad for not being able to go, but I hope Jax understands.”
“You know he does.”
“So…Jax is married, and you’re not. Who would have thought?”
“Way to rub it in, jackass.”
Jerome throws his head back in laughter. “Sorry. So sorry, Lil,” he says with amusement. “Well, now that the Jax ship has sailed, what do you think about Rob?”