I take her face in my hands. One hand on each cheek, I wipe her tears away with my thumbs. I crash my lips to hers. The kiss is desperate, loving, and wet from her salty tears.
Take it. Take all that I have.
I would give this woman everything, but unfortunately, what I have to offer will never be enough.
We pull away, breathing heavily.
“Dance with me.” Her voice is a husky whisper.
I swipe my fingers beneath her eyes once more. “I’d love to.”
Grabbing her hand, I lead her to the dance floor. Dinner is over, and our guests are scattered throughout the hall—some having conversations at their tables, others dancing, some standing in line at the bar, and others in a long line at the photo booth.
The first half of the reception is spent mingling with our families and friends. It is nice, but after the eightieth congratulatory hug, it gets kind of old. I get it. I know everyone here wants to let us know how much they love us. It is important, but now, I want to be selfish and keep her to myself. I want to soak up every moment in our bubble of happiness.
Dancing, I hold Stella’s thin body against me. Her form-fitting ivory dress allows our bodies to be flush against each other. My hands splay across the small of her back. I feel her hips moving beneath my fingers. I lean in and kiss her forehead.
In my peripheral vision, I see the black camera positioned in front of the face of my first love. It takes everything in me, but I ignore her presence, like I have been doing since my slipup during my vows to Stella. It’s the only way.
I’m not sure what Stella and I were thinking when we accepted Lily’s request to be our photographer. I think Stella thought having Lily involved would help me or keep me close with Lily in some way. Yet it’s actually doing the opposite. Stella obviously doesn’t realize how deep my love for Lily goes. If Stella did, she would know that by letting Lily in on this day, even a fraction, would consume me. Stella has been steadfast in her desire for Lily and me to remain friends, and I’m grateful for that because, even though our friendship is limited, it is necessary. I couldn’t go through life without having Lily in some capacity. I know Stella wants me to have someone like Lily to count on when she’s gone.
I was adamantly against Lily’s role in our wedding at first, but I finally relented because I knew that the shots that Lily could capture would be priceless. She’s the best. But I can’t acknowledge her. I won’t get sucked into the place in my mind and heart where Lily exists, where she has always existed. I have to make Stella my only priority right now.
I hope Lily knows that my standoffish behavior is the only way I can cope today. I pray she knows how difficult this is for me, that ignoring her is never easy.
During the group photo shots, I avoided eye contact with Lily as she was directing us. A few one-word exchanges passed between us when she instructed me to go here or there for a photo. But for the majority of the day, I’ve all but disregarded her presence in the background. I’ve been polite but very distant.
I’m an ass. I know it. But I’m kind of damned if I do, damned if I don’t, and right now, I just have to go with the option that will make me less damned in the end.
Lily and I have had a handful of phone conversations and texts since she left for New York. We’re trying to keep our friendship strong despite my relationship with Stella. Yet, even over the phone, I have to guard my feelings from Lily. I have limitations, and where Lily is concerned, I now know them. In order to stay true to Stella, one hundred percent true in my heart and soul, I can’t have a true relationship with Lily—at least not right now. I made this commitment to Stella to stand by her side for the remainder of her days here on earth, and I’m trying so very hard to do just that.
“Kiss me, husband.”
I blink, bringing my attention back to the beautiful bride in my arms.
“Gladly, wife.” I lean down, pressing my lips against hers. My tongue caresses