hand over Stella’s hair in a comforting motion. When she sees me, she whispers something to Stella and kisses her on the forehead before lightly closing the car door.
“Everything okay?” I ask her mom.
“Yeah, she’s fine. She just wants to go home.” She smiles weakly.
The sorrow I see resonating in her eyes sends a shooting ache through my chest. Nothing is more intense than a mother’s pain over her child. I’ve seen this tortured look in both of her parents’ eyes a few times now, and it is still so unnerving.
We pull into our driveway, and I help Stella out. Once inside, I aid her in getting her dress off. I wipe a warm washcloth over her face to remove her makeup. Then, I help her get into bed. Lying next to her, I hold my arm out, and she cozies into the crook of it, resting her face against my chest.
“Are you okay? Can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m fine,” she says weakly. “I will feel better after I sleep.”
So far, after a painful migraine like this one, she’s been fine after she wakes up, and she doesn’t have another one for a few days. I’m hoping that pattern holds true for tomorrow.
“I thought you wanted to stay with your parents tonight?” I question as I run my fingers through her hair splayed out on the bed.
“I know, but I just wanted to be with you.”
I bend my chin down and kiss her head. “Isn’t it bad luck to see each other the day of our wedding?” I kid.
“I don’t need luck. I already have you.” She kisses my chest and squeezes her arm around me. “I can’t wait for tomorrow.”
“Me either,” I agree.
“I love you,” she whispers.
“I love you, too.” I kiss her on the head again.
I hold her as she drifts off to sleep, her breaths becoming even.
I think about tomorrow. I don’t even know how to feel about it anymore. My emotions have been all over the place. I’m utterly terrified to see Lily. For the most part, I’ve become pretty skilled at blocking her out while I focus on Stella and her health. But to actually have her in front of me will take my resolve to a whole other level, one I’m not sure I’m capable of. Yet I have to be because I can’t ruin Stella’s day by making her feel inadequate. Tomorrow is the day that Stella has been waiting for since she was a little girl. I’m falling to pieces inside. I just hope my acting is convincing enough to keep that fact from Stella.
Then, there’s Stella. One minute, I’m experiencing pure joy with her, and the next, I’m inundated with worry and sadness. On days when she is feeling well and we’re creating memories, my heart is happy for her. I can almost forget about the cancer. But then, reality rears its ugly head, and something happens to bring it all crashing down, reminding me that the happiness bubble that we’ve been living in is going to pop. I’m terrified of the day when it does because I’m fearful that the darkness will pull me under, and it will be more than I can bear.
There has never been a more beautiful bride than Stella. As I’m watching her walk down the aisle, I can almost hear my pulse from my heart beating powerfully in my chest. Her dark hair is up in loose curls with a few strands cascading down, framing her face. The veil extends from her curls, falling down her back and wrapping around her bare shoulders.
I don’t take my eyes off of her. I want to remember every minute, every detail of this day. I want to remember it for her when she is no longer here to recall these memories herself. Her bright hazel eyes look green as they shine with pure joy. I hope to have many more amazing moments in life, but I know that marrying Stella will always be one of my favorites.
She reaches the front of the church and kisses her father on the cheek. He gives his blessing and guides her hand to mine. I squeeze it and give her a wink. The pastor begins to talk, but his words are background noise to my Stella show. She is all I see in this moment, all I want to see.
You are so beautiful, I mouth, my chest heavy with emotion. She made it to her wedding day, I think.