“Jax?” Stella says softly. “Everything okay? You don’t look well.”
I tilt my head to the side and return her worried gaze. “You know…I’m not feeling too well.” Understatement of the year.
“You wanna finish the movie another time?”
I nod. “Yeah, I do actually. I’m sorry, Stell. I think I’m gonna go.”
“Do you want to stay here?” she asks with a concerned frown.
Like Stella’s couch, her guest bed is heaven…but no. I need distance.
“I think I’m going to head home.”
“Okay. Call me later if you can?” she asks softly.
I stand and pull her into a quick hug. “Yeah, sure. Or I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Hope you feel better.”
“Thanks. Me, too,” I agree before walking out of her condo.
Throwing my hands into my jacket pockets, I walk briskly in the direction of my apartment. The freezing air feels oddly refreshing as I breathe it in. It coats my throat and lungs with a welcome coolness that calms me. I slow my pace as I get farther from Stella’s condo.
My head is still all sorts of messed up. I don’t know where my relationship with Stella is heading. I’m standing at a metaphorical fork in the road, and I’m not sure what path to take. I know all too well how a single decision can alter one’s path forever. I have a choice to make as far as Stella is concerned, but I’m terrified to choose.
It’s been five weeks since I last saw Lily. I haven’t heard a word from her since I came back from Christmas break. I think I’m starting to accept that she has officially chosen him.
Stella and I have been spending even more time than normal together. We have a stronger friendship than before, going much deeper than homework and study dates. Our relationship remains platonic, most likely because a part of me is holding out for Lily to call. With each passing day though, I realize that she’s not going to.
I admit that, although Stella and I haven’t moved our relationship to the next level, it is different. The air between us always seems to be charged with an unfamiliar longing—at least on my end. I’m starting to realize that a desire for Stella has been there for a while.
Even though I’m never alone, I’m lonely. It has been so long since I’ve felt an intimate touch, and I’m craving it. Especially in light of losing Lily, I need a connection with someone more than ever.
Yet I continue to hold back. I’m afraid of embracing another woman because that would mean I’m letting go of Lily.
Stella’s cheering pulls me away from my thoughts and back to the present where I’m currently surrounded by twelve-thousand loud fans in the Crisler Center as we watch the University of Michigan’s men’s basketball team dominate over Arizona.
My mouth breaks into a grin at the sight of Stella bouncing up and down with a huge smile across her face. The atmosphere of this place, when we are winning, is infectious.
I turn back to the action on the court just as one of the Michigan players makes a three-point shot, increasing our score against Arizona and giving us a 78 to 56 lead.
“Boom!” I shout.
The game is in the bag.
Stella and I turn to each other. Raising our hands in the air, we clap them together in an exuberant high five. Our hands hit, but instead of falling back down to our sides, they remain together, our fingers entwining. The energized chaos surrounding us vanishes, and I can only hear the pounding rhythm of my heartbeat as blood rushes through my veins, the sound reverberating through my head.
Our smiles fade, our hands still intertwined between us. The heat from our connected skin burns, setting a fire to the longing that I’ve kept guarded. Desire sneaks in, enveloping me in need…for Stella. Suddenly, the urge to kiss her is so strong, growing in intensity each second.
I take a few deep breaths and release her hand. Standing up from my seat, I pull her to me before leading her down the steps and into the tunnel that connects to the part of the arena where the food vendors are set up.
Before we exit, I push her against the wall and claim her mouth. She moans as my tongue moves with her warmth. Her lips feel so good on mine, and my body shudders with desire as my lips continue their assault. My craving for her is powerful, and right now, she is all I want.