a movie from Redbox and hibernate in her warm condo to pass the time. I haven’t heard from Lily in the three weeks since I left her house. Nothing. Then again, I shouldn’t be surprised. I made it clear that, as long as she was with Asswipe, it would be too difficult for me to have any sort of relationship with her. In truth, I continue to get queasy whenever I think about her with him.
Unfortunately, Lily’s relationship gets thrown in my face often. Ben thinks it is his job to show me all the pictures of Lily and Trenton posted on all her social media sites. I hid her posts from my News Feed for a good reason. It is one thing to know that she has moved on with someone else, but it is a whole different experience to actually see it. Seeing her selfies with the asshole she’s dating while on the white sandy beaches of Fiji was pure torture.
I want to pummel Ben every time he mentions one of Lily’s posts. I know why he does it. In his own way, he is trying to help. All my roommates want me to get out of the funk I am in and move on, and I can’t blame them. I’ve been one hell of a downer lately. I drive myself crazy most days.
Stella and I are sitting on her couch, which should be dubbed the most comfortable couch in the world. It is one of those oversized monsters that sucks you right in, making it impossible to leave. It was Stella’s turn to choose a movie. When it started, I thought it was going to be a love story, but it is turning into a murder mystery.
“So, who did it? It was the husband, wasn’t it?” I ask her.
She giggles. “Just watch. I’m not telling you.”
“But you know. That’s not fair,” I protest.
Stella playfully slaps me on the leg and leaves her hand resting on my thigh. “Yeah, well, I read the book. You’re going to have to find out like everyone else. Now, stop talking.” She smiles widely before returning her attention back to the screen.
I don’t respond. I’m too fixated on her hand on my thigh. She is sitting so close that I can feel her side up against my own. I gradually tilt my head in her direction, giving her a sidelong glance. She’s focused on the film, and I’m focused on her. Her olive skin is much like my own. It holds some of its color, even with the prolonged absence of the sun during our bitter winter. Her nose is small and turns up slightly, which is only noticeable from her profile. Her lips are full and rest in an almost pout as she concentrates on the movie. Her large hazel eyes shine beneath her long lashes.
She is drop-dead gorgeous, and I guess I’ve always known this, but my body is reacting to her close proximity in a way that it never has before. I can feel my pulse accelerating, and my desire to touch her grows. Perhaps the fact that Lily has been sleeping with someone else for almost a year now is starting to sink in.
Stella is absentmindedly chewing on her bottom lip now. I want to kiss her, and that revelation brings an onslaught of guilt that weighs down on me. I haven’t had a real kiss in fifteen months. I’m so pathetic that I remember my last kiss, down to the day it happened.
Stella wants to kiss me, too. I know she does. I’m single, and Lily is happily dating someone else. This should be an easy decision, but it’s not. It is so fucking hard. My body wants it, but my heart is torn.
I clear my throat. “I’m going to grab a beer. You want one?” I jump up from the couch. “Let’s make popcorn. Do you want popcorn?” My words come out rushed and sound desperate.
When I’m in the kitchen, Stella calls out from the living room, sounding confused, “Um, if you want. But our pizza should be here any minute.”
Oh, yeah, we ordered dinner.
Just then, the door buzzes.
“I got it!” I rush to the door. Pull yourself together, man!
I sit cross-legged on the couch, several feet away from Stella. I’m taking giant bites of pizza and chewing hastily. I glance toward the movie and see the main character, who I thought was dead, driving around in a small car.