want her mouth. I want her body. I want her beneath me in my bed.
“I want you,” I say before reclaiming her mouth with my tongue.
“I want you,” she says when we break from our kiss.
“You shouldn’t,” I warn, letting out a ragged breath.
“But I do,” she responds, her voice needy.
“I don’t think I’m ready. I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.” My respect for Stella outweighs my primal need.
“I’ll take the chance. Please,” she begs. “I’m a big girl. I know what I’m getting into. I’ve wanted you for so long. Please, let’s go to my condo. I want you, Jax.”
Several blocks of frenzied steps later, we are at Stella’s place. She fumbles with the key and opens the front door. We hurry in, and as soon as the door is closed, my lips are on hers once more. She groans as her hands work through my hair, pulling my mouth closer.
“God, I’ve wanted this,” Stella moans as we fumble our way to her bedroom.
“That was amazing,” Stella says as her fingers aimlessly draw lines on my back, her arms wrapped around me.
“That was rushed. I can do so much better,” I say into her neck.
“If that was rushed, I can’t wait to see what you can do when you take your time.”
“I’m going to blow your mind, babe.” I lift my head slightly and give her a quick kiss.
“You kinda already did.” She smiles.
“Just wait.” I grin and roll off of her.
She moves to the side and rests her face against my chest, and I circle my arm around her back.
The room is silent, save for our breaths.
I clamp my eyes shut in an attempt to block out the invading vision. Of all the pictures that could go through my head right now, one of vibrant blue eyes, adorable freckles over a dainty nose, and long blonde hair swaying across perfect creamy skin is not one that I welcome.
I feel sick to my stomach. I guess this is what moving on is like.
My body is physically satisfied, but my mind is waging a war. An epic battle between reality and desire is filled with rage, regret, and hope. On one side is my future, fighting to move on, and on the other side is my past, insisting on holding on to the memories for a little longer.
I know what I need to do. No one can live their life in the past. The only problem is, my past includes Lily, and she makes it impossible for me to let go.
“Congratulations, baby,” Stella beams. “Have I told you today that you look hot?” She adjusts my graduation cap.
“I don’t think hot is the operative word. I’m wearing a gown, which is another name for a dress, and my hat is like a square box top affixed to my head.” I chuckle. “Have you ever wondered why we wear the most ridiculous attire for graduation?”
“Because you look hot. That’s why,” she answers.
“Well, if you mean hot in the literal sense, then yes. ’Cause it is hot as a bitch out here.”
It’s the last day in April, but it feels like it could be July. Perhaps that’s because the black gown I’m wearing is not only attracting all the heat but also holding it in.
I smile and pull Stella into me. Tilting my head so that I don’t knock off the box top on her head, I kiss her. “You’re beautiful every day.”
“Thank you,” she answers. “And don’t worry. As soon as your family takes some pictures, you can take off your dress.” She laughs, her eyes bright with humor.
“Good.” I grin.
“So, what if they see me?” she asks hesitantly.
I immediately feel horrible that I’m making her feel like my dirty little secret. She deserves so much better than that.
Stella and I have been dating for about three months now. But I haven’t told my family yet. In all honesty, I’ve avoided going home since Christmas. I’ve been steering clear of anything that will remind me of Lily. I’m trying to move on.
I feel strongly that I need to tell Lily first. I don’t want her to be blindsided when she hears it from my family. Regardless of how blissfully happy she is with her boyfriend, I’m thinking that the news that I’m dating someone else will affect her. I just want to do the right thing where Lily is concerned, but I’m afraid that it’s making me do the opposite with Stella.
“I’m so sorry.” I hold Stella’s hands in mine. “I’m such