notebook out of my bag and tear out a sheet of paper. I write:
Have dinner with me? Yes or no?
I slide it across to her desk while I pretend to be paying attention to the professor’s speech. From the corner of my eye, I see her reading my note, then grabbing a pen. Head down, she starts writing away. When she’s done, she moves it across the table to me.
There’s a circle around no, and an arrow pointing down to her writing: Let me cook dinner for you? Yes or no?
My grin is stupid. I circle yes, hand it back.
She writes: Tonight?
And I reply: I have practice until 7. After?
Sure. I’ll text you my address.
Does that mean you’ll have to unblock my number? I hand it to her, watch her grimace while she reads it.
She writes back: We have a lot to talk about.
We sure do, but now isn’t the time, and so I write, pulling out my false confidence from earlier: Question: Will dinner tonight end in a kiss? Yes or No?
She turns to me, her eyes meeting mine, so bright and so sure and so damn perfect. She doesn’t respond. Instead, she folds the note until it fits in the palm of her hand, then she shoves it down her top, I’m assuming into her bra, and mouths a single word that turns all my bad days into hope-filled nights: “Magic.”
Chapter 49
Ava
I’m in trouble.
Deep, soul-shattering trouble.
Because nothing has changed, and everything is the same, and this time, I’m not talking about my mom. I’m talking about my feelings for Connor.
“It doesn’t make sense,” I tell Amy, my phone on speaker on the kitchen counter. “It’s like, I saw him, and everything just came flooding back.” I pull out some vegetables from my fridge and grab a knife from the drawer. “And why did I ask him to come over for dinner?”
Amy giggles.
“What the hell was I thinking?” I slice a pepper in half, then drop the knife, press my thumb to my temple. “Like, if we went out for dinner, at least we could leave separately and whenever we wanted. And going out means people, and those people—they would’ve stopped me from breaking down into tears or, I don’t know, humping his leg and licking his face, but here, in my apartment… Amy, there are no people in my apartment, and I’m going to make a complete fucking fool of myself. I can already tell.”
“Well, if you hump his leg and lick his face…” she says through a giggle.
“You’re not helping!” I whine, stomping my foot. “Maybe I should talk to Trevor.”
She all out laughs now. “Oh, yeah, he’s going to be much more helpful,” she sings, and I can hear her sarcasm from a thousand miles away.
“Amy!”
She sighs. “Look, if things get too uncomfortable for you, you can ask him to leave. From what you and Trevor have told me, he’s not the kind of guy who would fight you on that. And as far as the whole crying thing, if you feel the need to cry, then cry, Ava. Let it out. And if you want to get angry, then get angry. And if you really want to hump his leg, then… I mean, no judgment, but just be careful. Use protection.”
“I’m not going to have sex with him!”
“Sure, if you say so. You guys—you have a lot of history, but you’ve also had a lot of time in between. You’re basically walking into unknown territory here.”
I groan.
“Ava?”
“Yeah?”
“What are you feeling right now?”
“I don’t know,” I mumble. “I’m nervous, and I’m scared, but I’m also really excited to see him.” I rub the sweat off my brow with the back of my hand. “I just wish I knew how he felt.”
“Well, ask him.”
Ask him… as if it’s that simple.
“It’s the only way you’ll truly know. So… as soon as he walks in, ask him.”
I huff out a breath. “Maybe.”
“It’s going to be okay, Ava. Hey, your brother just got home, one second.” I hear Trevor kiss her quickly, then ask her, “Who are you talking to?”
“Your sister,” she tells him. “She ran into Connor today, and she invited him over for dinner.”
Trevor chuckles, and it grates on my nerves. Static fills the phone line as if he’s taking her phone, and then he says, “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“So… Connor’s coming over?”
“Uh huh.”
“Ava, I need to tell you something.”
“What?”
“When a man ejaculates...”
“You’re such a dick,” I snap. “Bye.” I hang up just as there’s a knock on my door. Shit,