Was he furious with her? Did he hate her?
Or was he hurt?
“So, you didn’t love him,” Seger said, beginning to pace. “Did you desire him? He didn’t take your virginity, but did you ever let him touch you?”
The question unnerved her. It was clear that for Seger, desire was paramount.
“Yes, I did.”
He stared at her for a moment, then turned toward the window. “Where is this man now?”
“He went to prison for the embezzlement.”
Seger faced her again. “Prison? Good God. There was a trial? Were you involved in the scandal?”
“No, my father took care of that. I was removed from the situation.”
Seger’s broad shoulders rose and fell. He looked fatigued. “So, there was much more to this than what you told me at your sister’s assembly. This is very serious, Clara. You should not have kept it from me.”
She saw the disappointment in his eyes and wished more than anything that she had told him about it sooner. She hadn’t set out to keep a secret from him, but she’d considered it to be a stain on her character and she had feared that no one would ever want her if they knew. She had therefore pushed it from her mind. Perhaps it had been her way of pretending—at least to herself—that it hadn’t happened, because she regretted it terribly.
“I couldn’t tell you at first,” she said. “I barely knew you. It’s not something I would ever talk about with a stranger. Then, when things started to progress between us, I simply forgot about it when we were together.”
“Forgot about it.” His tone suggested he didn’t believe her. Then he faced the window again. “Have you told me everything?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure? There is nothing else I should know about? Because whoever sent this telegram knows about what happened, and if you are guilty in any way....”
“I am not guilty.”
“You’re telling the truth?”
“Yes!”
Clara wondered again if he was hurt. If he was, he certainly wasn’t showing it. He was focusing on the facts, not his feelings. She should not be surprised.
“Who do you think would have sent this?” he asked. “And why?”
“I don’t know.”
“Perhaps it was your jilted lover.”
“Perhaps.” She hated to hear him use the word lover to describe another man.
Seger paced about the room, considering everything. “Do you realize that in my position, I would be perfectly justified to call off our wedding?”
His coarse words cut painfully into her heart. She nodded.
“But we have already made love,” he continued, “and you were, as it turned out, a virgin.” He paced the room, thinking for a long time.
Clara waited nervously for him to make a decision. What would it be? He had been hurt once before by a woman. Perhaps he felt defeated again. Powerless. Perhaps he was disappointed in Clara and would not be able to forgive her. Or maybe this turn of events had spooked him and reminded him of why he had spent the past eight years avoiding marriage.
This was torture.
At last, he stopped pacing. “I believe we are tied to each other,” he said.
Clara closed her eyes. Of course, that was how he would see this—as if she had roped and bound him and he could no longer get away. He would not speak of hurt feelings or disappointments. He would speak only of the necessity of duty and obligation.
“It was not my intention to trap you,” she said. “And you’re free to go if you want to. I won’t hold you to your proposal.” It was her pride talking because the last thing she wanted was to lose him.
He did not respond to that. He merely went on as if she had not spoken. “I am hardly in the position to call the kettle black, so we will be married as planned. And I hope that this matter will not arise again after today, and that whoever sent this telegram will let it die. If not, and there is a scandal, then I will deal with it.”
“I don’t wish to be a problem you have to deal with,” she said.
“Scandal is rarely a problem for me. I’ve learned that one can be perfectly happy outside of society. Sometimes I wonder why I ever wanted to get back in. Oh, yes. Because of desire.”
And now because of obligation. Clara’s mood sank.
He came around the sofa and stared down at her with cool, detached eyes. “We must simply put this behind us, Clara. You are a beautiful woman and I still desire you.”
Was that all? A basic