Escaping Parker - F.T. Zele Page 0,44
the storm that is truly Clarissa.
I will always be her and carry around the baggage that comes with her living deep inside me. Pacing the floor, trying to get this under control, Rig comes barging through the door. He stops abruptly, his jaw open.
What a fool I am to think these days were over, and that I’m no longer crippled by the fear that still holds me hostage.
“What can I do?” Rig asks.
I hear him, but I don’t really listen to his words because so much is running through my already foggy mind. “Nothing, there isn’t anything you can do. I have to wait for it to pass,” I say with a shaky voice, embarrassed that he’s witnessing this.
I carefully retrace my steps to find the trigger, the cause of what set me off this morning. But my thoughts are jumbled and spin in my head. “What day is it? I’m so confused that I don’t even know what day it is anymore.”
“It’s Thursday. August twentieth,” he says, still standing in the doorway.
Sadness plagues me. It’s my mom’s birthday, and it pains me that she has to be spending this day without a phone call from me, or without the comfort of knowing I’m ok. I’m normally pretty tough and can handle more than most people, but when it comes to my family, their pain is my mine.
“It’s my mom’s birthday today.” I let out a long, slow exhale.
Rig runs his palm through his hair. “Shit. I wish there was something you could do to let her know you’re thinking of her, but—”
“I know. I’m fully aware I can’t call her, or wish her a birthday.” The panic starts to slowly leave my body, but it’s still not fully gone.
“Parker, you have to believe me when I say you’re stronger than you think. You are going to make it, and live a life that you deserve to live. I’m going to give you a moment to yourself. When you’re ready, come on out and we’ll get your mind off of this.”
I take some deep breaths. My heart feels like it’s going to beat through my chest and land on the floor. I’m more alone in this moment than I have been in my whole entire life, and even though I have Rig to lean on, it still isn’t giving me what I’m missing.
I go out and find Rig. “Let’s go, I got to get out of here for a bit. Want to go take a walk or something before I crawl out of my own skin?” I ask, putting on my shoes.
“Sure. Lead the way.”
We walk around the property, exploring everything that they have here on the farm. Their crops are all planted in neat rows, covering acres of rolling land.
“What do you think this one is?” he asks, crouching down to look at a plant.
“I bet it’s a bell pepper.” I smell the leaf.
We continue the tour of the property. We even go by the lake and check out the trees around it. The stables are full of horses, goats, pretty much any farm animal I can think of. In one of the stalls, a lamb lets out a tiny squeal. My heart melts with its cuteness. Bending down and getting on its level so I don’t frighten it, I put my hand through the fence, begging for it to come close enough for me to pet. Just as the lamb starts coming close, a stable worker comes over, scares it, and it runs to the back of its pen.
“I was just getting ready to feed her. Would you like to?” he asks me.
“Ummm, I have never done that before. I don’t want to mess up.”
“It’s really simple. I’ll show you.” He opens the gate and I follow him in the pen.
Once she is close enough he holds up the bottle close to her nose, and she latches on immediately.
“Just hold it up, like this,” he explains.
I look back at Rig and he gives me a nod. She struggles against me and I have to hold on tightly. The lamb makes little grunting noises, and I just want to take her back to the house with us. I’d never stop smiling.
When she’s finished with her feeding, I hand the bottle back to the man. “Thank you. That was so much fun.”
“Of course. She wasn’t born that long ago, just about two months old now.”
“How are you feeling now?” Rig asks. I’m so wrapped up with that little animal that