Escaping Parker - F.T. Zele Page 0,43
to get on with life and start over, I’ve become dependent on Rig. I’d be a liar to say I didn’t have feelings for him, and how not being around him scares the shit out of me. I’m empty inside, like I’m missing out on someone who could potentially have what I need to make my life feel worth living. I just don’t know how I could ever tell him this after he’s made it very clear that he only lives to work. I wish I could be that person to him, show him what his life is missing. Even without me in it, there is more to life than saving people. Maybe he’s the one who needs to be saved, and he doesn’t even know it.
“Whatcha thinking about?” Rig asks.
“Me? I’m not ready to be on my own yet. I don’t think the threat is low enough to be thinking of long-term stay.” I fib a little, not telling him everything.
“You won’t be on your own for a while. It’s going to take some time. I’ll still be around until I know with certainty that y you’re no longer visible to them.” He puts his fork down, making himself very clear.
“I know that. You just don’t know if they’re making it appear as though they aren’t looking to get you all to back off. How do we know they aren’t watching us?”
Rig narrows his eyes. “I can guarantee that if he knows where you are, he would’ve been here already. This isn’t anything new to me. I know what I’m doing.”
“I’m not saying you don’t. It’s just me: I question things, needing to know that no matter what the different outcomes can be, that the choice I’m making is the right one. I’ve always been like that,” I admit.
I push my food around my plate, not really wanting to talk or think about this any further. I finish the remainder of the wine and tip my glass to Rig, signaling him I need a refill. He fills it up no questions asked.
After dinner, I take my wine and go out on the back patio, sitting in one of the lawn chairs. Rig comes out, surprisingly with his own glass of wine, and takes a seat next to me.
“What is that?” I point to his glass.
“A glass of wine. I decided I could break my rule once. It really looked good.”
“Well, I hope you brought the rest of the bottle out with you. I’m just about empty.”
“I did, but there isn’t much left. Here.” He pours the rest into my glass, topping it off.
We sit in silence, enjoying the sunset, not having to say anything to one another. Just each other’s company is enough.
When it starts to get dark, Rig rises from his chair. “I’m going to bed. I’m really tired tonight, see you in the morning.” He places a sweet kiss on the top of my head. I’m frozen in place. This is the first time he has ever done anything remotely close to this. I think he scares himself as well, because he shakes his head and walks away without another word.
His gesture seals an already good night, and I think he is finally wearing down with me. Some of those tightly constructed walls are starting to crumble, and it feels really good to know I’m the one breaking them down.
Waking up this morning feels off for some reason. I can’t pinpoint what is different, but it’s looming over me. I get up and go searching for Rig, hoping he can make some sense of my mood. Walking across the hall to Rig’s room, I knock on his door.
“Come in.” He sounds groggy.
Obviously I’ve woken him up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” I take a seat on the edge of his bed.
His rubs his eyes with his fist and props himself up on his elbows. “Not a problem. What’s going on?”
“I feel like I’m missing something today. I don’t know. I woke up with this nagging feeling.”
I lie back, cover my face with my hands, and suddenly everything comes crashing down on me. Rig has distracted me from all the panic and anxiety that usually ripples through my life. This time, though, there isn’t anything he can do to stop this. It comes on fast, and I’m shaking, unable to control my breathing. I’m so mortified by my own display of panic that I get up and run back into my room, sheltering him from