to be. But you need to take care of yourself.”
Balling my hands into fists, ones I wish I could use to pummel his chest, I glare at him. “Exactly. I can take care of myself. I might as well get used to it anyway. We both know I’m only here because Adrian’s still out there.”
His eyes narrow, and even though the words hurt to say, I can’t stop them. This is the outburst I should’ve had in the hospital. I had no idea it was brewing, but now that I’ve started, I can’t seem to stop the words from pouring out.
“Whatever we had? It drowned right along with me. There’s no us. God, there probably never even was.”
The words shock the both of us, and my hand flies to my mouth. I’m exhausted, hurt, scared, and I’m lashing out, saying things I don’t mean, but unable to stop myself.
His hands flex and ball into fists several times as he mimics my action, and his jaw tightens as he tries to keep a leash on his anger. He places his palms flat on the granite and leans forward, his eyes seeking mine. His gaze is unsettling, and self-loathing over what I’m doing sets in. Not that he doesn’t deserve at least a little bit of my scorn.
“You’re carrying my child, Brie. Like it or not, there is an us. There will always be an us. And I know you don’t want to hear it yet, the words I so desperately want to say to you, so I’ll wait. I’ll give you what you need. Time, space, whatever it is. But I promise you everything I said was true. No matter how hard you try to fight it, I’m going nowhere.” He pauses, clenching his fists yet again before placing them on the counter and leaning in close. “Fuck, Brie, you need to know. I’m in—”
“No!” I shout, holding a hand up. “Don’t say it. Please, don’t say what I think you’re about to say right now. I just… I need to be alone. Please.”
His face falls as he nods. But then he rounds the counter and gently lifts my chin until I’m looking into his eyes. God, do they have to be so blue? So expressive? Because the eyes staring down at me are full of what he’s trying to convey, and it’s impossible to ignore. I have to tear my eyes away because I know he means it and I’m simply not ready. The little resolve I have left will crumble into tiny pebbles and clouds of dust if he says those words aloud.
“I’ll wait as long as I have to. I will do whatever it takes to make you trust me again. I swear it.”
“Words, Rafe. Those are just beautiful words. Ones that, one day, I hope I can believe, but right now, I just… I just can’t.”
With that, I turn and walk away. And unlike Adrian, he lets me.
Because, also unlike Adrian, he knows what I need and will give it to me.
And fuck if my walls aren’t already crumbling.
Or have crumbled, because the farther I get from him, the more intense the pull is. The harder each subsequent step is. The more painful our separation becomes, and I can no longer take it. In this moment of weakness, I’m both mentally and physically drained. I just want to stop thinking about what happened. All I want is Rafe to make me forget, even if I end up regretting letting him get this close to me again.
So I tell my heart that I’m sorry then turn on my heel. He’s still watching me, his face crestfallen and utterly forlorn.
Even as I launch myself at him, I’m unsure if I intend to claw his face or his back. Or, possibly, both.
Either way, he’s unprepared, and when I vault into his arms, he stumbles backwards, nearly slipping on the tile. As I wrap my legs around his waist, his hands circle around my back and cup my ass, steadying us both. My arms cling to his shirt, making tiny fists as I yank him down to meet my lips. I crash my lips to his, kissing him desperately, unabashedly, and probably a bit recklessly. Not that I can even begin to make myself care. For right now, I want to forget everything from the past twenty-four hours and, for one more night, be who we were before the insanity of the situation actually sinks in.
I rock my hips against him,