“If you haven’t had the guy’s c-word yet, how do you know that it’s a one star?”
“Because I’ve seen it.” I laughed and wiped my face. “It’s a tad bit longer than one of my lipstick tubes. And don’t even get me started on the unkempt gorilla hair he has going on down there.”
“Have you tried eHarmony? OkCupid? Maybe those are better than Tinder these days?”
“I’ve never heard anything good about those other sites.”
“It’s been years, so you kind of have to adapt to how things have changed. You can’t just use Tinder and wait on one guy at a time. You used to tell me that.”
“Good point. I’ll get on both of those tonight.”
A soft knock suddenly came to the door.
“I’ll call you later, Gillian,” I said. “Gotta go.” I ended the call and opened the door, finding myself face to face with a naked Scott.
“If you hop on my dick within the next few seconds, I’ll be able to fuck you for at least three minutes.” He winked. “What do you say?”
I looked down and noticed that he wasn’t hard anymore.
“Um…” His face reddened and he placed his hands over his crotch. “You know what? I think I’m just gonna go.”
“I think that’s a great idea.”
I watched him grab his jacket and hastily put on his pants, watched him not-so-subtly steal a handful of chocolate chip cookies off my kitchen counter.
He left my condo without bothering to say goodbye.
Returning to the bedroom, I pulled the top dresser drawer open and rummaged for my vibrator. I slipped under the sheets and tried to think about the last time that I’d had amazing sex, tried to use it for some inspiration, but it was no use.
How the hell has it been over two years?
Sighing, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my contacts. I couldn’t think of a single guy in the past who would answer the phone at this hour—booty call or not, and I doubted any of them would even remember me.
I deleted all of them one by one, and decided to take Gillian’s advice. I opened OkCupid and created a profile. I typed exactly what I thought I was looking for, “a good time, not a long time” and started to search for someone new. Someone who was sexy enough to help me end my dry spell.
All hopes were dashed within seconds.
Kermit the Frog? Mr. Big Stuffed? ClitLover?
I deactivated my account and tried eHarmony. Within seconds of reading just how many survey questions I needed to answer—along with the monthly payment fee, I logged out forever.
It was back to good ole Tinder. I updated a few of my pictures and changed my profile name to Good Girl1996.
I swiped left—i.e. ‘no thanks,’ on tons of profiles—their faces either too familiar to men I’d seen before or their faces not striking enough to make an impression.
After half an hour of swiping, I stopped when I saw what had to be the sexiest man alive. What was definitely a fake profile.
‘Devil-in-Disguise’? How fitting.
A man like this would never need to use a dating app, and I didn’t bother reading his “About Me” words, since his account was clearly being run by a thirsty, attention-seeking sock puppet.
Still, fakeness aside, I was instantly wet at the sight of his deep, emerald green eyes and chocolate colored hair, his lips that looked like they would own any woman’s mouth with just one kiss, the slight smirk on his lips in the second picture where he was wearing a simple, dark grey shirt that revealed his chest muscles.
He looked like the type of man who could make a woman come within minutes, the type who would bend her over a chair and fill her with every inch of his cock, while pulling her hair with every stroke until she begged for more.
Pressing the vibrator against my clit, I bit my bottom lip as it buzzed—as I continued to stare at this chiseled face of perfection.
I pictured his head buried between my thighs, his lips licking my pussy with wild abandon and demanding me to scream his name at the top of my lungs.
Fuck…
I shut my eyes as my legs writhed under the sheets, as my fantasies of him fucking me ran wild. My clit throbbed against the pleasurable vibrations—swelling with every passing second, and I came apart under my own hands.
When I came to, I tossed the vibrator into my nightstand. I took a few screenshots of the fake guy’s pictures for good measure,