. . . I cannot provide for you—not right now.” It strangled him to say these words.
“I don’t need provision—”
“You cannot say what you need. You’re the daughter of an earl, you’ve been fed and clothed and housed by your family’s estate for your entire life. You know nothing of what it is like to work—”
“I am an apple farmer.”
“Perhaps you are, but what if your father throws you off your land? And chops the trees to make way for the mining wagons? I . . . I won’t have the liberty and resources to keep you safe and comfortable. I’ve been trying to say this all along.”
“I have some money,” she said. “If they take the land, I still have Gran’s jewelry. And some gold. We will get by.”
“Helena,” he said, “think beyond this year to the rest of your life. The reality of my not being able to provide for you is a knife to my heart. I feel the same way about my father and sisters. Does my anxiety mean nothing? Do you not hear my distress? I am tortured, thinking of you cast out from your family. And your reply is a hidden bag of gold?”
“You would rather see me married to Lusk.”
“I die to think of you going to Lusk,” he growled. “But better than you dying in earnest—cold, hungry, cast out from your family.”
“You’ve no faith in me,” she insisted.
“Helena, you are a marvel to me. Truly. Never have I seen such courage, or resilience, or the cool ability to operate under extreme pressure. Not on the field of battle or among rival gangs on the crime-ridden streets of London. But you are still a young woman, and the duke’s family is unbelievably powerful. You’ve no idea of their far-reaching power.” He thought of the door of his prison cell swinging wide on Girdleston’s command. Then he thought of it clanging shut.
“If your family does not cast you out, Girdleston can make your life miserable, and that says nothing of what he’d do to me.”
“Titus Girdleston,” she said, “is a petty man who resents that his brother’s son is duke and not him. He is forced to pander to the very authority that, by fluke of birth, has made him second-in-command. His greed will eventually consume him. He wants too much, and if we are careful and watchful, we can bring about some misstep or expose cheating that will destroy him. He is not the duke in earnest. And Lusk, as pitiful as he is, gave me some hope last night. He can summon cogent thought. He is not completely dead inside.”
Declan was shaking his head. “This ‘authority’ of which you speak? It is designed to protect landed men like Girdleston and your father. You have fought valiantly, Helena, but you have been powerless.”
She was silent. After a moment, she said, “I am not powerless. I refuse to think of myself without power.”
Declan studied her back. She sat upright in the saddle, her shoulders tight. She held the reins with stiff arms, her elbows at sharp right angles. She was correct, of course. She’d refused to allow her parents or the dukedom or the aristocratic “wedding mill” to force her into a future that she did not want. How fierce she was.
And now, ever so fiercely, she pursued what she wanted. Or what she thought she wanted.
Which was him. Unbelievably. Remarkably. Whether he liked it or not.
Did he like it? In a perfect world, without the threat of prison, without his current penury—yes, he would like nothing more than to take Helena as his wife.
The collective weight of his feelings for her felt like a mountain. He stood at the bottom, barely able to climb the first rise.
“I’m tired, Declan,” she said. “I’m tired of trying to convince you and tired of being with you only in wet carriages and dark gardens. I’m not made of limestone. I’m simply a woman, and I have my limits. For now, I will carry on, trying to marry Lusk off to someone else, but if he doesn’t take to one of them, I’ll run away again. In earnest. Gone without a trace.”
“You will not,” he countered.
“Then I will marry Lusk,” she said.
“You will not.” His voice sounded like gravel. “We will continue with the plan. You said yourself that Lusk has some spark of a soul. One of these girls will manage to ensnare him. Your parents’ bad behavior and Girdleston’s every move is motivated by greed