kiss like that until we’re both breathless, and he looks dazed when he draws back. “Hello to you, too.”
“Hi.” God, how did I end up doing this again? I take a step back to put some distance between us, reminding my silly, hammering heart that this isn’t helpful. “How’s your week going?”
“Good. I missed you.” He releases his hold on my body, but my heart sticks to him like a gummy worm on a shoe. “Be right back. I left the food in the truck.”
He breaks away, and I take a moment to compose myself. I need to tell him tonight. I need to make it clear that I’m leaving, that there’s more than one good reason I can’t stay.
Needing to distract myself, I turn back to Kevin. He’s sprawled across the plaid cedar bed, looking supremely content. “We’re going for a walk later, okay? No falling into bed with Bradley.”
Kevin looks at me and oinks, agreeing to my terms. I wish it were that easy.
Bradley bursts back through the door, two paper bags in his hands. “I may have gone a bit overboard,” he says. “I wasn’t sure if you preferred curry or something milder, so I got a bunch of different things.”
“Thank you.” I peer into one of the bags, breathing in the scent of spices and fresh herbs. “This smells amazing. It’ll be nice to have leftovers when I’m running around dealing with wedding stuff.”
“Kinda my thought,” he says as he starts unpacking the food. “I remember how nuts things were when Julia got married. If it’s that stressful for the family, I can’t even imagine what it’s like when it’s your own wedding.”
I laugh and pick up a warm box of naan bread. “No kidding. Remind me to elope someday.” The words slip out before I can catch them, and I meet Bradley’s eyes in horror. “I don’t know why I just said that.”
He tears off a piece of bread and pops it in his mouth, eyeing me curiously. “No big deal.” A pause. “Is it?”
There’s a roaring in my ears, a scream I’ve heard again and again these past few weeks.
Tell him. Tell him.
I don’t say anything. I don’t know where to start, but I know I can’t keep doing this.
Maybe he senses my fumbling, because he takes a step closer and draws me into his arms. I lean into him, absorbing his strength, his kindness. My chest aches from wanting this so badly while my brain pounds its gavel against my skull, reminding me what’s at stake. As Bradley plants a kiss on my temple, I feel a tear slip down my cheek.
I beg it not to drip on his arm, not to give me away before I’m ready to have this conversation. I know I’m out of time, but I’m not sure how to say this. How do you tell the man you might love that you’re an awful excuse for a human?
“Iz?” His lips brush the top of my ear. “You got kinda stiff all of a sudden. What’s up?”
I take a shaky breath as I fight for courage. For the strength to finally be honest. “I—” The words die in my throat. As I squeeze my eyes shut, another tear leaks out.
“What is it, Izzy?” Another kiss, this one at the top edge of my cheekbone. “I can’t help if you won’t let me in.”
Another tear falls and another, accompanied by a bitter choke of laughter. The idea that this can be fixed, that there’s any way out of this, it’s too much. His kindness right now, when I deserve none, is more than I can bear.
“Bradley.” I take a deep breath, bracing myself for the fact that everything’s about to change.
I don’t want it to, but I need to get this out. I can’t keep doing this to the kindest man I’ve ever met. I was a fool to think a man like that could have a no-strings fling.
Or that I could. What an idiot I’ve been.
I take a step back and try to breathe, but my chest is too tight. It’s a physical reaction to the loss of his touch, the knowledge of what I’m about to say. When I meet his eyes, the bottom falls out of my belly.
“Bradley.” My voice croaks this time, weak and unattractive.
That’s exactly how I feel, but it’s about to get worse. He’s about to hate me, maybe as much as I hate myself.
His eyes search mine, smile faltering just a little. “You’re