tight as her fingers bite into my skin. “I need this Lennie. I can’t go back to the way things were. I don’t feel right. I feel groggy and achy and confused and worst of all . . .” She stops and I can actually hear her swallow. “I hurt and I want to make other people hurt too.”
This stops me. As she knew it would. I cover Dyl’s hand with my own. “Don’t tell me you wish I hadn’t brought you back. ’Cause I would do it again. I’m sorry it sucks, but I’m glad you’re alive.”
“Lennie . . .” Dyl sighs and I can feel her soften. “I’m glad you made that wish. I mean, thank you, or whatever. Guess I shoulda said that earlier. The thing is, I wish I’d never been dead at all.”
Something in me lifts. “That’s it, Dyl! That can be your wish! I can grant it right now.”
I wait for Dyl to start jumping up and down beside me, but she turns to stone instead.
“What?” I demand, starting to feel impatient with her and annoyed with being unable to see her face. “You don’t want that? You just said you feel weird and achy and stuff. Is that how you want to feel?”
“That might go away,” Dyl answers, her voice low and sullen. “I just woke up today; maybe it’ll get better.”
I’m still confused. “Are you afraid the wish won’t work? Or that it’ll undo the other wish? I know I’ve messed a lot of this wishing stuff up, so if you don’t trust me—”
“Shut up, Lennie,” Dyl interrupts. “It’s not that. I . . .” She pauses. Sighs. And when she speaks again her voice is barely a whisper. “If I wasn’t dead, then I’m not special anymore. Leonard might not even want me to come then and—”
Now it’s my turn to interrupt. “Leonard?! You’re calling him Leonard now? That’s super. And it’s because of him that you would rather be in pain and stuff. Well, that’s stupid.”
“Thanks. Thanks a lot.” Dyl’s sarcastic voice is the worst. It’s her with all the warmth removed. “I’m stupid, then. Now can we get this rescue over with?” She tugs at my arm, but I resist, pulling away. I don’t want to end things with her this way. Ever since she woke up, I’ve felt like we haven’t been able to find our old groove, like our friendship had been buried along with Dyl and I needed a special wish to resurrect that as well.
“When you died, Dyl, it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. It hurt so bad and I just thought: it should have been me. You have no idea how many times I wished that it had been me instead of you.”
I don’t know what I expect in response to this, but after baring my soul, I am at least hoping to avoid hearing that hard, sarcastic voice again.
“You’re such an idiot,” Dyl replies at last, her tone softer than her words. “If it had been you, the cavalry would’ve charged in to save you. Your dad. Your uncles. Even your nutso mom. They wouldn’t have let you go down like that.”
I reach toward Dyl to give her a shake. “This is the problem. You think my life is so great. So cool. But you can’t see that my father is crazy and only wants to use me. My mom wouldn’t notice if I went missing. And my uncles, c’mon, they aren’t people you can count on in a crisis. I mean yeah, they’re at Michaela’s now, but their first instinct was to get totally wasted. Maybe you can’t see it clearly, but I can. I’m nothing special and not one of them would think I was worth the effort of saving.”
“You see it clearly? Really?” Dyl laughs. “You grant wishes, Lennie. That’s pretty fucking special. And your uncles were beside themselves at Michaela’s house. They want to fix this. They want to fix this for you. Your mom too. You like to make excuses and feel sorry for yourself. Oh, nobody’s nice to poor Lennie ’cause her dad’s a killer. But that was never it, Lennie. You keep yourself sealed off from everyone else and you are so frickin’ afraid to live that you go running every time something the slightest bit exciting might happen to you.”
“Shut up!” I yell, not wanting to hear anything else she has to say. “I went to Michaela’s stupid party because