yeah, absolutely.’
‘Did he say anything to you?’
‘No.’
‘And it was only that one time?’
‘Yeah.’ I couldn’t read her. She seemed calm, but maybe this was the prelude to a violent eruption.
‘How long do you think you’ve been in love with him?’
‘I’m not sure. Over the summer. Since ye broke up.’
‘Why?’
‘Why… what?’ I didn’t want to antagonize her but I wasn’t sure what she was asking.
‘Why him? Why did you fall in love with him? You were supposed to be in love with somebody else.’
‘I know… I’ve always liked him. Maybe when you didn’t want him any more, I saw him differently. I don’t know. Or perhaps I’ve always loved him.’
She finished her wine. She sighed. ‘I don’t believe it,’ she said.
‘What?’
‘I don’t fucking believe it.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘There we all are, having birthday parties and engagement parties for you, and all the time you’re eyeing up Mike. You’re incredible.’
‘I wasn’t eyeing him up. I didn’t even know I was in love with him. At least, not until Keith told me. And I was never going to do anything about it.’
‘Until Keith told you?’ She was looking at me as if I’d sprouted another head.
‘He seemed more aware of it than I was.’
‘So instead of giving you a bollocking, he sent you running into his arms!’
‘Well, I suppose he didn’t want me if I was in love with someone else.’
‘But Mike! Honest to God, Kate, do you hear yourself? You’re saying you’re in love with the man I’ve been married to for the last fifteen years. This isn’t just anybody you’re talking about.’
‘I know, I know – it sounds dreadful and, believe me, I was never going to act on it, but last night… I’ve never felt this way before…’
‘Oh, Jesus, Kate, give me a break.’
This wasn’t going well. It was only the memory of Mike’s lips on mine that kept me from running out and never coming back.
She said nothing more for a while, then: ‘So what about Mike? Has he been lusting after you all these years?’
‘I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him.’
‘I need another drink.’ She got up and went to the bar. My betrayal seemed to be written on her back as she stood there, unmoving, for what felt like an age. When she came back she sat opposite me. ‘So, what’s your plan now?’
‘I don’t have one.’ I paused. ‘But I thought I might go and talk to Mike. If that’s OK with you.’
‘Oh, fuck, I don’t care. I mean, I left him. I don’t want him any more. He can kiss and shag whoever he wants.’ She gave a disgusted little laugh. ‘But did it have to be you?’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I always knew he had a soft spot for you, but I’d no idea it went this far.’
There was a coldness in her tone that made me feel sick.
‘I might be getting all worked up over nothing. It was only a kiss. He was probably just drunk and horny.’
‘Mike doesn’t do drunk and horny. If he kissed you it was because he meant to.’
I said nothing.
‘And does he know Keith dumped you?’
‘No.’
‘So he kissed you thinking you had a fiancé? Boy, he must have it bad.’
‘I meant what I said earlier… about never seeing him again… if you want.’
‘Oh, come off it! And have me painted as the evil sister who stands in the way of true love?’
‘I’ll do whatever you want.’
She sighed, and rested her chin on her fist. ‘But tell me, Kate, is it true love? Or is it you just enjoying a good piece of drama?’
I had no intention of crying, but suddenly I couldn’t hold back the tears. ‘Oh, Jean,’ I sniffled, ‘if this isn’t the real thing, I don’t know what is.’
‘Christ!’ she said. ‘I’d have stayed married to him if I’d known you were going to get your claws in.’ She flashed me a wry smile.
‘I really didn’t mean for this to happen.’
‘I know, but it has.’
‘I just want to talk to him – he’ll probably have changed his mind.’
‘Oh, go and talk to him.’
‘Will I tell him you’re OK?’
‘Tell him whatever the hell you like.’
We left the café together and I walked with her as far as the quays. I didn’t want to leave her until I felt confident that she meant what she’d said. But, as she’d also said, it wasn’t her job to make me feel better.
‘Look,’ she said, as we were about to part company, ‘I’m not over the moon about this, but I’m not going to make