couldn’t quite look Ember in the eye when he answered, since he understood what this was about, too. Ember had found her happiness, and given Raum both new purpose and, in her love, a form of redemption. Raum had white wings again because of Ember, and a soul. But that didn’t mean that such a thing was in the cards for the rest of the renegades. In fact, Phenex doubted it. Though he could appreciate that Ember cared enough to wish it for them. He knew they weren’t an easy lot to like.
“She seems all right with it. But Sofia prefers butterflies to vampires,” Phenex said. “I don’t think that’s going to change.”
“Oh,” Ember said, and though she tried to keep her tone bright, he could hear the disappointment in her voice. He knew why. He’d thought about it enough. The only sort of mate that would make any sense for a fallen angel was another immortal. Sofia had no interest in paying the price she would have to for immortality, so pinning any hopes on her would be an exercise in futility. She would grow old and die, and he would still be down here, singing his songs. Alone.
Now he was brooding.
“Well, enjoy and come back happier, okay? Maybe someone will punch Gadreel. He was pretty well asking for it last night. That might cheer you up.”
Phenex didn’t reply to that, simply waved a hand as he turned to leave. “Thanks, Ember. She’s…” He searched for the right word while Ember watched him curiously, but he finally gave up. Sofia was a lot of wonderful things, but the only one that mattered was the one she’d made clear tonight—not his. That was what he needed to remember. He’d been the one to offer her a no-strings-attached arrangement. Ironic that he’d end up needing the blunt “this is not forever” talk himself.
With a wistful sigh, he walked away, leaving his sentence unfinished and Ember looking sadly after him.
By the time he got back to the house, it was near sunrise in the world above, and the streets of Terra Noctem had been full of vampires straggling home to sleep the day away. He’d needed the space and time to clear his head, and the other Fallen had provided plenty of diversion. All of them were here now, returned from various assignments that Uriel had devised for them, rooting out lesser demons in far-flung places to prevent them from getting a foothold in any one area. Like roaches, demons were difficult to remove from a place they’d infested.
Uriel still hadn’t shown himself, though Levi had received a short, terse message that implied he would be along shortly…though “shortly” could mean any number of things when it came to Uriel.
His brothers were the same as they always were, even Raum, for the most part, though there was a lightness about him that had been lacking before. A something more. But Phenex was getting used to it. Justin had been slightly less grim, though the vampire king hadn’t stayed. He was worried about Belial’s next move, worried about Amphora. Worried about everything.
Phenex was just glad not to be king of anything.
He started to tense up again only when he neared home. He still didn’t have a clue what to say to Sofia. All he knew was that he felt unusually bad about the way he’d walked out, about what he’d said. He’d basically told her that she wasn’t enough, that being human wasn’t enough. And that she should shut up and do what he wanted, which was stupid. He wouldn’t like her half as much if she were some mindless automaton.
But she’d cut into him with her words, something he wasn’t used to. So he’d cut her right back. In retrospect, he might have wanted to think about it before he opened his mouth, but that wasn’t exactly a habit of his.
He’d mulled it over while Gadreel and Murmur were having the same old argument about which of them was better at killing nefari and inferi, the low demons that made up the bulk of the demonic horde. It was uncomfortable to actually take a hard look at why he’d gotten so angry, when normally he just accepted his anger and used it as an excuse to wreck things. But with Sofia…he needed to get a handle on what was going on with himself. And what was going on seemed pretty clear, once he’d let himself think about it.
He wanted to keep her