I held his gaze, daring him to show James and Mary what he was really like. When he did nothing, I skirted him and let myself outside.
The wind immediately bit my exposed skin. Rather than going back for my jacket, I wrapped my arms around myself and trudged on.
Merdon’s warning that I’d be disappointed rang in my ears with each step. He’d known. He’d spoken to them at some point. That or Emily had. Anger curled in my middle at how it’d probably been Emily. She’d paved the way for the madman plaguing me. She’d given him the key to keeping me prisoner. And, as far as I could tell, there was no way out for me. Not anymore.
Lost, I stopped walking and tipped my head up to the light blue sky. Clarity often came with retrospection, and I thought again of Tenacity. I’d been a fool to go there for a drink. I should have packed up all my shit and moved there permanently while I’d had the chance.
No, my mistake was long before that. I should have pushed Katie ahead of me and given myself to the infected in her place.
An angry, rough voice cut into my thoughts.
“Keep walking.”
“No.” I turned toward Merdon, knowing it was the only way. “I don’t care anymore. You can have me until I die if that’s what you want. Hopefully, it will be over sooner than either of us expect.”
Anger washed over his features. He bared his teeth and stalked close to me.
“You will not give up.”
“I already have.”
“No, this is a lie like all the other lies you tell yourself and others.”
He began to circle me.
“I see what’s inside you. I know your anger. It calls to my own. I recognize your pain. I’ve lived with my own for many lifetimes. You will not give up because, like me, you don’t know how. You will cling to this life even when it’s one you don’t want.”
He stopped behind me, and the weight of my jacket settled over my shoulders.
“I don’t need your submission. You will choose to be mine.”
His words sparked my temper. I tried to smother it, to bring back the numbness that let me not care, but he was right. I couldn’t seem to let go.
Turning, I lifted my gaze to his.
“Never.”
A slow grin spread over his lips in response to my whispered word.
“Fight it, Hannah. Fight it with every breath. Give me your fire.”
I’d give him something.
I balled my fist and punched him. My knuckles cracked against his rock-hard abs. He chuckled low.
“Again.”
So I did.
I hit him over and over, right then left, using him like a punching bag even as I knew my mighty blows were no more damaging than a gnat to him. My jacket fell from my shoulders.
Sweat beaded my upper lip, despite the temperature, by the time I stopped. Spent, I tipped forward, resting my forehead on his sternum.
His hand settled on my crown. After a moment, it smoothed over my hair. I couldn’t bring myself to pull away because I needed his familiar, comforting touch. Could I be any more twisted? I’d just pummeled his stomach because I didn’t want him laying claim to me, and now I was docilely lingering in his hold.
“This doesn’t mean anything,” I said.
“I know.”
“Good.”
He stroked my hair until I pulled away and picked up my jacket. We walked back to the house in silence.
I wasn’t sure what to expect when the door closed behind us, but it sure wasn’t an angry order to go change and meet him in the basement within his stupid five-minute limit.
“How do you even know when five minutes have passed?” I asked, not moving.
“I don’t.”
“You’re ridiculous. And so are your stupid, made-up rules.”
“Four minutes.”
I glared at him. His gaze raked over me from head to toe.
“The skirt is going to slow you down.”
Whirling, I raced upstairs. The ass needed to be taken down a few pegs. But how? I wished there was a way to slow him down. Maybe then I’d have a chance to hit him in the balls.
“Three minutes,” he called from below.
Oh, how I wished I could watch him choke on his own testicles.
I stripped from the dress and tugged on a pair of leggings and a long-sleeved shirt. Bite protection. Rushing, I twisted my hair into a knot at the top of my head then left my room.