already in the basement when I jogged downstairs. I briefly considered the front door, but I no longer felt an urge to run. Maybe it was because I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere. Or maybe I just wanted to face off with Merdon in the basement. Oh, I knew he planned to put me through hell, but the need to give back more than he gave overrode any good sense I had left.
I shook my head at my pathetic attempt to rationalize why I wasn’t trying to leave and forced myself to admit the truth. When I was fighting Merdon, I wasn’t thinking of the past or how to survive the future. I was in the moment, dealing with just one problem. Him. Even with the spankings and the biting, facing him was easier than facing any of my other issues.
He was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs and didn’t say anything as I walked past him to take my place on the center of the mat. That was good. I didn’t want words. I wanted action. I wanted to feel like I had a chance to influence the outcome, for a change.
I crouched low, initiating the start for the first round.
He studied me for a moment then mimicked the move.
We watched each other, both waiting for the tell that would give away the other’s thoughts. Since I wasn’t thinking, I doubted he was getting much from me, so I settled in for a wait, however long it might be.
“Patience?” he asked. “We both know you don’t have any. Where are your balls now?”
I smiled. “Your goading isn’t going to work. Not this time.”
“It will. I only need to find the right words.”
He shifted his weight, sliding a step to the right. I turned slightly, following him.
“Go ahead. There’s nothing you can—”
“Whose death do you carry? Who haunts your dreams?”
I flew at him, letting all the raw pain that his words evoked well up and fuel my moves. Spinning on my heel just before I reached him, I drove my elbow into his middle at the same time I stomped down on his instep. He grunted, and I felt him bend ever so slightly. It wasn’t enough to throw my head back into his nose, so I turned again, facing him, and brought my knee up.
Only his quick reflexes prevented a full-on bashing of his precious feyby-making testicles. The partial graze was effective enough to sap the strength from his knees. He slowly folded in, resting in a prayerful pose…if cupping one’s groin was common in prayer.
I whooped and fist-pumped the air.
“Yes! How does that feel? Failure means pain, Merdon. Suck on that.”
He growled as he lifted his head.
I only had time to think “oh, shit,” before he launched himself at me. His shoulder hit my knees, and I crashed to the mat like a felled tree.
Air whooshed out of me. He didn’t give me a moment to catch my breath. Weighing me down with his torso, he grabbed my hands and slammed them into the mat above my head.
“That is why no one else will want you. You laugh at another’s pain or ignore it completely. You are a selfish creature, blind to what could be because of what was.”
His harsh words hurt, and I tugged on my hands, wishing I could lash out. He laughed at my attempt and held me tighter.
“Your need to hurt me tells me the truth. Were you always like this, Hannah? Mean and selfish?”
An unbidden tear leaked from the corner of my eye.
“Were you always this big of a hypocritical asshole?”
He frowned at me.
“Yeah, that’s right,” I said angrily. “Hypocrite. You call me mean even as you’re holding me down. How many bruises do I have because of you? How many times have you forced me to do something I didn’t want to do?”
He snarled and changed his hold on my hands. His fingers bit into my skin as he grabbed my jaw.
“The only thing I’ve forced you to do is live. You will live. I will not lose what is mine.”
Before I could guess what he intended, his lips came down on mine. I fought to turn away, but his hold on my jaw kept me in place as the pressure of his fingers forced me to open for him. He swallowed my sound of protest and struck me senseless with the first swipe of his tongue.
It was a harsh, punishing kiss, but heat flared out from my middle,